poor kitty

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog well trouble the kitty seemd to be getting bettr at furst but now lately shes been wandring arownd the howse like shes lost or sumthing and she still lets me lik her wich is fun but weerd and shes not eeting all that much even when theres fish heds in the food mama calld the vetnamese place agin yesterday to find owt what els they can do for trouble like asprin dosage or ennything i no their worreed dada sed sumthing like he didnt need to have this happning agin so soon but trouble is just as old as pooh bear was i gess this is whut happens wen yore animals are the same age ennyway i am just a puppy so dont worry about me ill be heer for a gud long time ok i got to go play with trixie the mutt now so bye

my new favrit toy

i kud chase this all day long but mama and dada say i hav to rest wuns in a wile its supozd to be for the watr but i like it just fine in the bakyard

the sun got in my eyes on the first thro yeah thats the tiket

the rat did it

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog

something weerd iz happning to trouble the kitty last nite she wuz staggring arownd the howse like she didnt no where she wuz she had her tale down insted of strait up like normal she almost fell down a kupl of times she wuznt making a sownd and weerdest of all she let me sniff her withowt hissing or smaking me and she even let tucker the other vizsla dog lik her on the face

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Fish Heads, Fish Heads, Roly Poly Fish Heads …

So this morning I gave Trouble her cat food (Kahoots store brand … it’s all she’ll eat these days). This particular can was fish-based, tuna I think. In case anyone was wondering if this food is made with real fish, wonder no more … the can had an entire fish head in it. Eyes included.

I should’ve taken a picture, but I was running late and quite frankly it didn’t occur to me. Besides, I’m not sure anyone really wants to see a disembodied fish head sitting on a pile of canned cat food. Some of you may read this in the morning with coffee and a croissant, after all. So you’ll just have to trust me — it was a fish head, about the size of a silver dollar, give or take, looking up at me.

The cat ate it, too.

The Bloggers of the World Medallion

4urpets passed along this nice Bloggers of the World medallion, courtesy of Colin. She and Gina were wishing they could put it in their sidebars, so since I know how to do that, I thought I’d make a little post to help them out. Anyone who already knows HTML will most likely find this post tedious; such people are encouraged to go read about Dennis’s trying to find himself a little friend instead. Or you could buy one of my books and read that. ūüėČ

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no pet rat :-(

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog well i gess i wont be getting a littl rat frend ennytime soon today dada found the rat in a trap on the floor in the garaj it was the trap from one of the beems in the seeling where pooh bear used to walk now the rat was using them to get arownd like an elevatd sidewawk its pretty neet to be able to wawk in the rafters ill have to see if i can get up there sumtime ennyway dada put the rat in the trash he didnt even let me lik it a littl bit oh well maybe next time ill find the rat on the floor before dada duz i just hav to be kwiker than him ok thats it for now bye bye

Dennis’s Diary of Destruction

So it’s been a while since I posted any actual destruction here on Dennis’s Diary of Destruction … now that he’s crated while we’re gone, his opportunities for mischief are greatly reduced. Still, this week he managed to chew up a couple of things:

  • A copy of Tastes of Italia, because any magazine with that many great Italian recipes in it must taste pretty good itself. (He’s actually still trying to steal that issue off the desk as I type this.)
  • A pen. He was probably planning to write a letter to The Honest Kitchen apologizing for the “Green … Stuff” post.
  • My wife’s slippers. Now, this is nothing unusual for Dennis, but these particular slippers are ones that she lost a while ago. I just found them yesterday under the bed, while I was flipping the mattress. I retrieved them, washed them, and put them on my wife’s feet still (warm from the dryer) while she was snoozing on the remains of the chaise lounge. The very next morning, Dennis chewed them up.

Green … Stuff

No, nobody threw up into a bowl … we started giving our animals alternative foods after all that melamine nonsense broke last year, and this is a dehydrated raw food that my wife sometimes feeds our dogs. I affectionately refer to it as “green stuff” (only I don’t say “stuff”). Doesn’t it look yummmmmmy? (The little pill is a fatty acid gel-cap for Dennis’s coat.)

My wife would like to state for the record that “green stuff” contains 100% human food grade turkey, organic flaxseed, potatoes, celery, spinach, carrots, coconut, apples, kelp (human-grade kelp???), eggs, sesame seeds, bananas, cranberries, rosemary, vitamins, and minerals, and the dogs just love it.

By the way, the state of Ohio evidently believes its citizens are too stupid to realize that “green stuff” is dog food, as if seeing “human food grade” on the label would make you think it’s a new kind of hot cereal or something. You probably could eat it, actually; but would you?

“Please, sir, I want some more green stuff.” — Oliver Twist, if he lived in Ohio

dennis is my puppet

hello readers, this is tucker the canadian vizsla. i have a tip that might help you get more sleep in the morning while you’re waiting for breakfast. see, it used to be that when mommy was getting breakfast for us dogs, i would whine and carry on and bark and get underfoot and generally make a pest of myself. this doesn’t get me breakfast any faster but it makes sure mommy knows i’m really, really, really hungry. dennis watched me do this for a few weeks, and now he’s starting to do it himself. this means that i don’t have to pester mommy anymore; dennis does it for me, and i can sleep in, knowing that somebody is incessantly reminding mommy that we haven’t eaten yet. a perfect plan, isn’t it?

so if you have somebody who’s slow getting your breakfast in the morning, don’t pester them yourself; find a stooge to do it for you, and get yourself an extra fifteen minutes of snoozing. being a criminal mastermind is hard work and we need our sleep.

i will hug it and kiss it and name it george

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog i was hoping yoo can help me convins mama and dada not to get rid of the rat in the garaj i wood like to keep it as a pet if i wore clothes i wood carry it in my poket but since i am a vizsla dog all i have is a kollar and it duznt hav poketses but the rat can ride on my hed like in that movee ratatooeythe rat in that movee even new how to cook so maybe this one duz too we wont no until we let it in the kitchen but its worth a try

ennyway i wood like to have a littl frend to carry arownd and wen i get bord with it i cood eet it problem solvd dont you think???

You Dirty Rat

So tonight I saw the critter that’s moved into the garage in Pooh Bear’s absence … and it’s not a mouse.

It’s a roof rat.

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7 fakts abowt me by dennis the vizsla dog

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog i got taggd by my frends at 4urpets so that meens im supposed to tell yoo seven fakts yoo dont know abowt me so heer goes ok

one i am afrayd of kitchen noises and bark at dada wen he is cooking or emptying the dishwasher or putting pots and pans away i dont know why but i just kant help it and ennyway hes reely noizy when hes in there

too i like to go owtside and sit behind the shiff … shiffl … the big leefy tree arownd by the bak corner of the howse but there are beez there now and mama wont let me go neer them i dont know why i cant play with those beez when i play with the ones i got for krismas

three it reely was me hoo tore up the chase lounj dont tell ennybody ok?

for i have scars all over most from before i kame to my new howse but one on my noze i got when i busted out of the metal krate

five my feet look like they belong on a rabbit

six mama and dada sumtimes call me “abe frohman the sausage king of chicago” for reezons i dont reely understand

seven i dont like to go owt in the car unless my brudder tucker the other vizsla dog comes along with me otherwise im nervous

well those are sum fakts about me i have to go lik whats left of myself now ok bye

Meeses

Well, now that Pooh Bear is gone, it didn’t take the mice long to move into the garage; this morning I found a half-eaten bag of oatmeal in the pantry out there. The mouse that ate it is going to be extremely regular for quite a while.

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