7 fakts abowt me by dennis the vizsla dog

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog i got taggd by my frends at 4urpets so that meens im supposed to tell yoo seven fakts yoo dont know abowt me so heer goes ok

one i am afrayd of kitchen noises and bark at dada wen he is cooking or emptying the dishwasher or putting pots and pans away i dont know why but i just kant help it and ennyway hes reely noizy when hes in there

too i like to go owtside and sit behind the shiff … shiffl … the big leefy tree arownd by the bak corner of the howse but there are beez there now and mama wont let me go neer them i dont know why i cant play with those beez when i play with the ones i got for krismas

three it reely was me hoo tore up the chase lounj dont tell ennybody ok?

for i have scars all over most from before i kame to my new howse but one on my noze i got when i busted out of the metal krate

five my feet look like they belong on a rabbit

six mama and dada sumtimes call me “abe frohman the sausage king of chicago” for reezons i dont reely understand

seven i dont like to go owt in the car unless my brudder tucker the other vizsla dog comes along with me otherwise im nervous

well those are sum fakts about me i have to go lik whats left of myself now ok bye

Meeses

Well, now that Pooh Bear is gone, it didn’t take the mice long to move into the garage; this morning I found a half-eaten bag of oatmeal in the pantry out there. The mouse that ate it is going to be extremely regular for quite a while.

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skunkalishus

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog

tonite i fownd owt we hav skunks in the nayborhud, isnt that grate??? i wuz owtside with my sister trixie the chow shepherd mix wen she took off running for the fens and the next thing i knew the air wuz full of the most punjent aroma i ever smeld and wen she came bak the smell wuz all over her if i had been walking along and i fownd sumthing that smeld like her i wood hav rolld arownd in it for shure

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loot

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog well this krismas thing seems to be pretty ok at furst i wasnt sure why mama was giving me peeces of paper but then i saw my brudder tucker the other vizsla dog ripping the paper up and it turned out there were stuft toys inside so well if theres wun thing i know how to do its tear stuf up so i started ripping up the paper and I found a big bee hive full of bees inside not the kind that sting they were soft and skweeky so i carried the hive around for a wile becuz i was so prowd of myself for unrapping it

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from Dennis, Tucker, Trixie, Trouble, 30-odd fish, and, of course, the two humans in the house.

Books and stories make great Christmas gifts. Give the gift of reading next year! 😉

Dennis, Making Promises He Can’t Keep

Look, Geppetto, I’m A Real Live Vizsla

A couple of comments have asked about Dennis’s mange, and so I wanted to get a picture to show how nicely his fur is growing in. Unfortunately Dennis has decided he’s afraid of cameras. If he’s doing something cute and you even start to think about getting the camera, he detects this and flees like a drunken starlet in her Mercedes SUV on the run from the paparazzi.

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thoze wernt noodels

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog

wel im bak from the vetnameez place and ther wernt enny noodels there insted mama left me with theez stranj peeple and a man in a wite kote and they put me in a krate for a while so wen they let me owt i tried to run away but i wuznt looking where i wuz going and i krashed hed first into a wall of kages and almost nocked myself owt so they kawt me agin but then they gave me sum stuff and it made me reel sleepy so i tuk a nice long nap and dreemed abowt taking the skweekers owt of toyz it wuz a nice dreem

mama kame and got me after i woke up and i was so happy to see her i gave her hugz and puppy nibbelz and i kept giving the man in the wite kote durty luks so he wood know hooz dog i reely wuz and it must hav wurked becuz they let me go home with her she had to giv them munny first tho i gess it wuz ransom or sumthing

ennyway i didnt get enny noodels but now im home nun the wurse off altho tucker the other vizsla dog keeps snikering at me i dont know why well its time to go i have to lik myself now ok bye

……….. eeeeeeyaaaaah, where did they go?!?!?!?!?!???!? sumbody de-skweeked me!!!!

Canyon? What Canyon?

I don’t remember any canyon

“Zzzzzzzz ….”

im going owt for noodels this week

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog i herd mama and dada saying that this week they were taking me to the vetnamese res … rest … place to get noodels i never had vetnamese noodels but i like to eet most ennything so it will probly be gud rite?

i asked my brudder tucker abowt it an he sed yeah your getting noodels at the vetnamese place they took me owt for noodels wunce too let me no if yoo like them so then i asked my sister trixie and she jus shuk her hed and sed its pronownsd nootered lik em wile yoo got em becuz yoo wont have em much longer i gess she duznt know how to say noodels anyway i gess she meens lik the noodels they must hav sawce on them or sumthing!!!!

ennyway i am glad they ar taking me owt for dinner i didnt think most res … restaw … food places wood let dogs in not even vizslas i wil let yoo all no how the noodels tast ok i got to go lik myself so by for now

The Dog Exploded …

… and he was full of fluff! (Or possibly he was dealing cocaine out of his crate. Hmm, that might explain a lot, actually …)

krate for sail cheep

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog

i am selling a verry nice plastik krate it has a door and wallz and a bed inside but yoo cant hav the bed just the krate if yoo were to put this krate on the markit heer in sandy eggo it wud go for $300,000 but i wil sel it to yoo for $500 or for sum liverwurst if yoo hav it no kalls pleez i cant anser the fone as i dont have thums

if yoo come by the hous mama and dada mite act like they dont know the krate is for sale so come around bak and we can mak arranjments throo the fens okay?

i also am selling a verry verry nice collekshun of bits of fluff, chood up shoos, scraps of lether, skweekers that used to be inside of toyz, and shreded magazeens

thank yoo for yor bizness

ps i am also selling my brudder Tucker i wil be happy to throw him in with the krate if yoo giv me extra liverwurst

Plan C

So we’ve gone to “Plan C” … this is the plan where Dennis goes in his crate when we’re not home. As you know we’ve been working up to this, but what finally pushed us to implement it was Dennis’s attempt today to remove the cushions from our leather couch, also known as “the most expensive piece of furniture in the house since Dennis wrecked the leather chaise lounge”. He wasn’t quite able to pull off his crime today, as the cushions on the couch are attached with elastic so they just snapped back. Evidently he eventually gave up and contented himself with pulling down the curtains (again) and bending the rod into something resembling a couple of boomerangs. This bought him crate duty when my wife came home for lunch and discovered the wreckage. He stayed in the crate until the afternoon, then went in again when we went to our weekly lesson at the local Arthur Murray. Dog, crate, and furniture all survived intact.

Putting Dennis in the crate isn’t easy (he’s remarkably adept at escaping before you close the door) but the alternative is to not have any house left by the time he’s done being a puppy. Tomorrow morning I get to try it on my own before work. I hope it doesn’t end up with me somehow locked in the crate and Dennis running loose to tear up everything in sight …

“Okay, mom, you and Tucker can have the crate. And by the way, I’m not at all responsible for this fluff on the floor.”

Who’s Your Decorator?

So finally admitting defeat on the vertical blinds over the weekend, I removed the ones that were left. We didn’t have any curtains to hang and it was too late to go shopping, so we put up a couple of sheets over the valance rod to keep out the neighborhood Peeping Toms. (You know who you are.) Add some Ramen Pride noodles and it’s my college apartment all over again.

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