THIS IS MY REWARD FOR GETTING BETTER???

HELLO HUMAN SERVANTS.  THIS IS TROUBLE THE CAT.  I HAVE BEEN FEELING MUCH BETTER AFTER MY PROBLEM EARLIER THIS YEAR.  THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND COMMENTS AND CONCERN.  IT IS ONLY WHAT I DESERVE AS A SUPERIOR CAT BEING.  PURR PURR PURR.

HOWEVER.

TODAY I SUFFERED THE INDIGNITY OF BEING STUFFED INTO A PLASTIC CRATE, HAULED OFF TO THE VET, POKED, PRODDED, AND DRUGGED.  WHEN I WOKE UP, THREE OF MY TEETH WERE GONE.  GRANTED, THOSE TEETH HURT WHEN I CHEWED AND ONE OF THEM WAS CRACKED, BUT THEY ARE MY TEETH AND YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM.  I WANT THEM BACK.

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, SOMEONE TOOK PICTURES OF MY MOUTH WHILE I WAS UNCONSCIOUS!  IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE?  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?  JUST BECAUSE I AM A BIG CELEBRITY NOW DOES NOT MEAN I WILL TOLERATE BEING TREATED LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS.  PURR PURR PURR.

I AM PRETTY SURE THAT DENNIS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SOMEHOW.  HE WILL PAY.  OH YES, HE WILL PAY.

MEOW.

— TROUBLE

dadas scarry vampire buk is owt

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog becuz i am mor popyoolr then he is dada askd me to let evrybuddy no that his scarry vampire buk is owt now and his next buk will be coming owt in a fyoo weeks that wun is not scarry it is a fantasi buk abowt a dragon i think a dragon wood make a gud flying toy eksept it breeths fire wich mite be paynful ennyway dada sez if yoo dont like scarry buks ware bad things happn yoo shoodnt reed the vampire buk but yoo mite like the dragon wun i cant turn pajes becuz i dont hav thums so i gess i wont be reeding eyther wun i mite choo them up tho ok bye

Red Mutant Cow Filmed

Agriculture officials downplayed the significance of an amateur video that surfaced today of the elusive “Red Mutant Cow” that has been spotted several times grazing on a small patch of rye and barley growing in a local backyard. A spokesman who had seen the video said it was “clearly faked” and called it “a low-quality YouTube reject”, but was at a loss to explain what the animal might actually be. A source within the investigation, who did not wish to speak on the record, said: “I don’t know what it is, but it’s not a cow. Would you want to milk that thing?” This official cautioned against approaching or disturbing strange animals. “I don’t care how cute or docile they look,” he said. “You never know what these creatures might do if you bother them while they’re eating. I’ve heard stories about people being licked to within an inch of their lives.”

For an exclusive look at this shocking footage, click below. Parental guidance is suggested.

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a skolarly treetis on flying toyz

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog ther have ben sum roomers in the past that im a kuntry bumkin so to disproov them i hav ben wurking on an artikl abowt the flying toyz i like to chase this wil be a sientifikly sownd and wel resurchd peer-revyood artikl by wich i meen tucker and trixie will luk at it ok heer goze

i hav three (3) toyz that i like to chase in the bakyard heer they ar oh wate thats for toyz ok i have for (4) toyz i like to chase:

figger wun (1): all my sweet sweet toyz having a rest

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snap krakel pop

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog thanx for asking abowt my brudder tucker on wensday i went with tucker and mama to see the kiropraktr she was verry nice and jentel tucker had some big twitches wile we were ther and the kiropraktr thawt they lookt like seezhurs ennyway she wurkt on tuckers back wich was lokt up prety gud aftr she was finishd mama thawt tucker was wawking bettr and he didnt have any mor big spasms the rest of the day

then on thersday i went with tucker and mama to see the nooroljist in sandy eggo the nooroljist was verry nice too but they had trubbel getting tucker to have twitches he only had littel wuns even after trotting arownd the sidewalk owtside wun of the other vetnamese peepel wanted to hold my leed while they exercised tucker but i didnt want them to and kept trying to get back to mama so they gave up when the nooroljist examined tucker they beet tucker with a mallet they sed it was to test his reflexs but i think they just like to wale on dogs it didnt seem to hert but i didnt want them bringing the mallet neer me so i hid behind mama and watched ovr her showlder wile they did it ennyway the nooroljist latr told the reguler vetnamese place that they wer stumpt go figger he did say tucker mite need more time to recuvr from his low thyroyd too becuz hes only been taking pills for a littel wile

its ben sevral days now and tucker has been dooing well no big spasms just littel wuns wile i was tiping this tucker just had a big spasm and almost fel ovr but its the first one ive seen since the kiropraktr so mama thinks maybe he needs more ajustments he is going back to the kiropraktr next week for another seshun we wil see how it goze maybe she can bend him into a pretzel ha ha
mama sez i hav to be more careful not to keep crashing into tucker wile i am charjing arownd like a loonatic but its hard to luk ware your going when your running at top speed chaysing a loopie tho i do manaj to avoyd running into trixie becuz she will lay the smakdown on me but tucker wont ennyway i will try not to run ovr him ennymore unless hes in my way of corse ok bye

dadas offis is booooooooring

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog

as yoo no i am now being kepd in a krate when mama and dada arnt home evn tho ive askd nice reederz for help and tried to sell the krate and my brudder but nobody bawt either wun ennyway most days mama comes home at lunch time and lets me owt of the krate to play fetch and do sum stuf owt in the yard well today mama had to go to sandy eggo and dada had too much work to do to come home and let me owt so he took me with him to his job and let me tel yoo the krate is mor intresting than dadas offis at leest in the krate i can watch tucker and trixie at dadas offis ther arnt even enny other peeple let alone other dogs theres not evn ennything good in there garbage pails just papers and more papers

dada brot my kong and my nylabone and my new ajility dog bed with him and he thru the kong for me wunce in a wile and he got on the floor and playd with me a kuple times and he tuk me owtside to go potty but i nevr did i was watching the truks and lisning to the stranj sownds dada wurks in a very noizy area i thawt compooter peeple wer kept lokt in basements but not him i gess

ennyway mama came bak from sandy eggo in the afternoon and pikt me up i was so glad to see her i jumpt up and down and made a spectakl of myself out on the sidewawk but whats the yoos of beeing a vizsla dog if you cant make a fuss ovr mama

on the way home mama tuk me to the tmobile stor wich i gess is ware they sell glowy things peepel put in there eers but the peepel werking there wer rood so she left next time ill pee on them then we went home

wel that wuz my day boy having to go to werk is hard i shoor am glad im a vizsla dog and not a person with a job i just get by on beeing so kewt maybe dada shood try that sum time but we dont want to starv ha ha ok bye

i gess my brudder isnt all bad …

… he makes a pretty good pillow.

your doing it rong

twitch

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog

i think i menshund wunse that my brudder tucker had sumthing rong with him he duznt hav much enerjy and after he plays for a littel wile he gets tired and then he starts twitching all over sumtimes he almost falls down they thawt the thyroyd medisin wood help but it reely hasnt so they tested him for other things i cant pronowns like addisons diseez but he didnt hav that now their testing him for sumthing calld my … myas … myasthenia gravis witch is an “awto-immyoon disordr” that sumtimes affects your thyroyd mama is very worreed abowt him becuz he seems to be getting worse she sed she mite take him to a nooroljist witch i gess is like the man in the wite coat at the noodel place only more expensiv

ennyway i am a littel bit worreed that sinse i came heer evry singul wun of my new brudders and sisters has gotten sick eksept for trixie and wun of them even went away im starting to think this place is bad luck or sumthing and oooooooh mama has green tripe for me gotta go bye!!!!!!

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers

So Dennis has continued his habit of falling out of bed in the middle of the night.  Because the bed is fairly high, and because he’s usually on the side that’s closest to the wall (my side), causing him to secondarily bang into the wall after hitting the floor, we decided to set up a landing pad so he can perform his stunt without hurting himself.  Now, the route to my side of the bed consists of a layer of pillows followed by a layer of blankets, with an additional layer of pillows along the wall.

How does it work?  No idea.  Since we set this up, Dennis hasn’t taken a tumble.  However, both he and Trixie have taken to sleeping in Pillow Alley, which means that if I get up in the middle of the night, I kind of have to shimmy off the foot of the bed in order to avoid possibly stepping on a snoozing pup.

Ah, the things we do for our pets …

The Name’s Bond. Dennis Bond.

Diane: “Oh, Sam, this may be a silly question. But you don’t have a velvet smoking jacket, do you?”
Sam: “Hey, come on. I’m smoking in any jacket.”

So Dennis has been taking agility classes on Wednesday evenings. The classes are at 8pm and it gets chilly in the evening out there in the wilds of California, so my wife decided Dennis needed a coat. (Quote: “He does need a coat. Even his instructor said so!”) But not just any coat would do, not for a sophisticated boy like Dennis. After scouring the Internet, she decided on a Polartec jacket manufactured by Obtrack, and sold in the U.S. by a company called Clean Run. After a few shipping incidents (California is not in Virginia … who knew?), the jacket finally arrived, and it fits Dennis like a glove. It should–the coat comes in 27 sizes and you have to measure your dog in various ways to determine the correct size. Now Dennis is stylin’ in his new threads.

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i want wun of these

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog i want a rat like this one this is feathers she was mama and dadas pet rat before they got the kitties then the rat had to go liv with grammy and grampy becuz the cats wood eet her well maybe pooh bear wood eet her trouble couldnt be botherd catching a rat unless it came in a can ennyway i gess rats dont liv very long and evrywun was very sad when feathers went away and thats why grammy and grampy never got another wun but maybe sumday i can have wun as long as mama and dada dont find out ok bye

“What?”

“I hate this show. Put on PBS.”

“Bungee!”

Feathers the Rat, 1991 – 1993

The Dog Won’t Cooperate

“I told you, I won’t perform until I get my own trailer, a heated bed, 20 bags of Lakse Kronch, and a pet rat. Somebody call my agent!”

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