Dennis’s Daily Diary of Destruction – 11/9/07

Well it was a slow day for Dennis … it appears that he only destroyed one thing, one of those stuffed toys that honks instead of squeaks. These toys have a large bladder and a hose inside of them that make a noise like a goose or a cow or whatever. Today Dennis was going for quality of destruction over quantity.

We can’t even tell what exactly this toy used to be. We think it might be his brother Tucker’s old Canada goose, but we’re not sure; all that’s left of it are a few bits of fluff, some fur, a whole lot of small pieces of foam rubber stuffing, and the honker. Removed from the stuffed animal, the honker looks an awful lot like, say, a stomach with the esophagus still attached. (That’s the horror writer in me talking … you have read at least one of the stories or novel excerpts that were the original reason for this blog, right? Oh come on, please? Pretty please? Somebody? Bueller???)

Dennis was carrying the honker around quite proudly this evening, as if it were a trophy that he claimed after defeating the stuffed animal in a lengthy, epic battle. Judging by the wreckage around the house, that’s exactly what happened.

Dennis’s Daily Diary of Destruction – 11/8/07

I’m not sure if this will really be a “daily” diary or not, but if the past is an indicator, it will be — for a while, at least.

So at this point, Dennis is locked out of the bedrooms and bathroom when we’re gone, but this still leaves him the kitchen, hallway, living room, and dining room to play in. (These modern houses, they don’t have doors. Or interior walls.) There’s still plenty of stuff to wreck in these rooms, for instance:

  • One of the panels in a set of fabric vertical blinds, surgically removed and chewed. Unfortunately it’s not possible to get individual panels from the manufacturer (why would they sell you those when they could sell you a whole new vertical blind set instead?), so the poor, bedraggled thing has been returned to its position, where it stands out like a hoodlum in a lineup of businessmen.
  • An orchid. Not a good one, according to my wife the orchid grower. Fortunately he hasn’t found where we keep “Audrey II” yet.
  • The charging base for a hand-vac. Having spread orchid dirt all around, Dennis doesn’t want us spoiling his handiwork by vacuuming it up.
  • A set of wooden coasters. Dogs don’t need coasters! They drink out of bowls!
  • A lint brush, because clothes look better with dog hair all over them.

Mind you, this is after my wife plugged in some $40 gadget she got at Target that’s supposed to calm dogs with pheromones and “floral essences”. This has no apparent effect on Dennis. Tomorrow we’ll probably find that he pulled it out of the socket and chewed it to pieces; or maybe it will kick in and he’ll be sitting on the floor looking stoned. Bets, anyone?

Dennis’s Diary of Destruction

So it seems like the posts about Dennis the Rescue Vizsla are among the most popular on this blog, and since we do strive to give the people what they want, I thought I would provide a little rundown on his activities over the last few weeks. Now that he’s getting his energy back, most of these activities involve wrecking stuff.

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How To Hand Out Halloween Candy

So Halloween came and went, and we didn’t get as many trick-or-treaters (hereafter known as TOTs) as I was expecting, given the numbers of kids that seem to be running around the neighborhood on any given day. There is a possibility that our dogs–who bark like lunatics every time someone comes to the door, let alone a group of six or seven someones dressed like axe-wielding maniacs, fairy princesses, and various forms of licensed merchandise–kept some of the TOTs away. I definitely heard some screaming and running off down the driveway when the dogs started up. (Dennis the rescue vizsla didn’t bark all that much, but he was watching the other two and taking notes.)

So anyway, here’s the proper way to hand out Halloween candy. First, buy extra bags. Then, hand out the candy in ascending order of how much you like it; this way you’re left with a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups instead of a bag of Honey Bunches O’ Angry Ants or whatever.

Oh, and give extra candy to the TOTs who say “thank you”. Even goblins can learn to be polite.

Rescue Dog Update

Here’s a little update on the four vizslas that were rescued last week from Lake Elsinore.

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Don’t Dump Your Dogs In The Canyon

Vizslas aren’t all that common and most people don’t know the breed. They are really sweet dogs that want nothing more than to run around like lunatics and then fall asleep in your lap. They also like to bring you toys, because they’re pointing and retrieving dogs. Back in their country of origin (Hungary) they serve as bed warmers as well as hunting companions. If you want a dog that you can keep in the yard, a vizsla isn’t it.

So there were these four vizslas, and they were wandering around in a canyon in Lake Elsinore, California.

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