Lulu’s Life Tips: How To Overcome The Human Height Advantage

Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another life tip! Now, you may never have noticed this, but generally barking, humans are taller than dogs. This includes humans who haven’t finished growing up yet, such as children and Peter Pan and many politicians and celebrities. This gives humans an advantage when it comes to things like putting food and treats out of reach as well as when roughousing, because they can just stand up and then you can’t bitey their hands or or their faces. Fortunately, I’m here to offer a few suggestions for leveling this playing field!

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Cyber-Enabled Doorbell

Charlee: “I guess that must be the cyber authorities. What should we do? Should we find the mouse?”
Chaplin: “We don’t need the mouse. We can handle this on our own. Lulu, go bark at them and scare them away.”
Charlee: “Do you really think this is an appropriate time to be making jokes, Chaplin?”

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Meet the Squeekles

Narrator: “And so John, Paul, George, and Ringo were forced to strike out on their own in search of a new warren, where they could play their gigs the way they wanted to play, thus beginning the meteoric rise of their band, The Squeekles.”
Chaplin: “I had no idea meerkat musical politics were so involved.”

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A Good Hacker is Hard to Find

Mouse: “Listen, Neo, that worm you helped me with turned out to be a little slipshod. Now the ‘Cyber Authorities’ are trying to track us down.”
Neo: “Yeah, sorry about that. I was out late at a rave the night before and used the wrong code.”

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Lulu’s Lyrics: Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of Eating Things)

Hello friendlies! Lulu here with some new lyrics for you! This is my version of the famous Eurythmics song “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”, which is a good song, but never actually tells you what sweet dreams are made of. An alternate version of the song, “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of Cheese)“, gets a lot more specific, and sounds a lot tastier than, you know, people who want to use and abuse you and whatnot. A little dark there, Eurythmics!

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In The News

Veronica Corningstone: “… In other news, local cyber authorities are still investigating the source of a mysterious computer worm that recently spread throughout the region’s systems.”
Charlee: “Hey, Mouse, check it out, they’re talking about you on the news.”
Mouse: “It’s not necessarily my worm they’re talking about. There have been lots of high-profile security breaches lately.”

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Mouseworm

Charlee: “Are you still working on that worm to hijack all the local computers to find Chaplin’s microchip?”
Mouse: “It’s finally finished. I just activated its tracing function so within a few minutes it should give us his location.”

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