Having finally vanquished Darth Tater, and serendipitously discovering a derelict Doghouse of Justice on Planet Petco, I have at last returned to Earth in triumph; but when I report in to Dr. Crowe, expecting a hero’s welcome, I learn some unexpected and disquieting facts about what has been going on while I was offworld. Absence, it seems, does not always make the heart grow fonder …

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