ANNOUNCEMENT

HELLO SERVANTS THIS IS TROUBLE THE KITTY. IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME FEEL THAT WE HERE AT TROUBLE’S PIG POWD … UMMM, I MEAN, DENNIS’S PIG POWDERS ARE NOT DOING ALL WE CAN TO FIND THE GOFER BROKE AND ITS CREW AFTER THE TRAGIC AND UTTERLY RANDOM ACCIDENT THAT OCCURRED DURING THE COMPLETELY SABOTAGE-FREE LAUNCH OF THE SHIP. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. IN FACT, WE HERE AT TROUB … DENNIS’S PIG POWDERS HAVE PRINTED UP LITERALLY ALMOST A DOZEN FLIERS, WHICH WE ARE ROLLING UP AND STUFFING DOWN GOPHER HOLES THROUGHOUT THE VICINITY OF THE FRONT LAWN OF OUR HEADQUARTERS. WE ARE QUITE SURE THAT THESE FLIERS WILL ENSURE THE SAFE RETURN OF OUR BRAVE CREW.

HERE IS A COPY OF THE FLIER. FEEL FREE TO LOOK AT IT. OF COURSE OUR LAWYERS SAY THAT DUE TO DMCA RESTRICTIONS IT IS ILLEGAL TO DOWNLOAD, PRINT, PHOTOCOPY, OR OTHERWISE REPRODUCE THIS MATERIAL. HOWEVER WE WILL BE HAPPY TO SEND COPIES OF THE FLIER TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO STUFF ONE DOWN A GOPHER HOLE. PLEASE SEND A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE AND $100 PER COPY YOU WOULD LIKE (TO COVER PRINTING COSTS) TO MY ATTENTION AT TR … DENNIS’S PIG POWDERS HEADQUARTERS. OUR ADDRESS IS PRINTED ON THE BOTTOM OF EVERY CAN OF PIG POWDER WE SELL SO I’M SURE YOU HAVE IT ALREADY.

PURR PURR PURR.

OOPSIE

HELLO SERVANTS THIS IS TROUBLE THE CAT. WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S BEEN SOME SORT OF UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT AT THE GOFER BROKE LAUNCH:

THIS IS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY FOR ALL CONCERNED; IT WOULD SEEM THAT ALL THREE OF THE DOGS WHO USED TO LIVE HERE HAVE BEEN LOST UNDERGROUND. WHAT A SAD DAY. AS PUBLIC RELATIONS DIRECTOR AND RANKING NON-LOST-UNDERGROUND BOARD MEMBER OF DENNIS’S PIG POWDERS, I WILL NOW ASSUME CONTROL OF THE COMPANY.

IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I’LL BE LOUNGING ON THE DOG-FREE COUCH … PURR PURR PURR …