CSI: The Denouement

Horatio Caine: “… And so, after interviewing everyone here, I’ve been unable to find a viable suspect in the case of the mysterious pile of feathers. Most likely the crime was perpetrated by an outside agent, like a hawk or a jabberwock or a vicious knid. Any questions?”
Spicoli: “I have a question, dude. Where’d you get those shades? You never did tell me.”
Charlee: “How many kinds of knids are there? Are they all vicious or only some of them?”
Horation Cane: “Any questions about the case?
Spicoli: “No.”
Charlee: “No.”

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CSI: The Mealworm Vats

Ninja Hedgehog: “Hey, Vermin, somebody’s here to see you. But keep stirring the mealworm vat.”
Vermin: “HISSS! I told you, my name is Jill! If you keep calling me Vermin, I’m reporting you to Animal Resources!”

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CSI: The Safari Park

Horatio Caine: “So this is where your friend Blue is right now?”
Lulu: “Yes, she posted that she was here visiting relatives.”
Horatio Caine: “Well, it shouldn’t be too hard to find her in the closed confines of an animal park.”

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CSI: The Bubble Bath

Producer Smurf: “I fail to smurf how smurfing a long bubble bath is going to smurf any mysteries or, more importantly, smurf me any material I can smurf for my smurfumentary and my smurfcast.”
Lulu: “It’s a temporary safety measure. We can’t investigate during an artillery bombardment from the base.”
Horatio Caine: “Yeah, what the dog said. Also, you might consider taking a bath in the sink. You seem to be smoldering a little.”

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The First 48

Horatio Caine: “So this is where you discovered the pile of feathers?”
Lulu: “Yes, it was right over there.”
Producer Smurf: “Cut! Lulu, can you try to smurf a little more dramatically? Maybe try to smurf how traumatized you were when you found the crime scene?”
Lulu: “I wasn’t traumatized. I was just curious.”
Producer Smurf: “Not traumatized? What are you, some kind of smurfopath?”

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Outside Investigations

Lulu: “All right, if everyone is through arguing and pointing paws at each other, I need to put together a team to investigate who ate the bird, stipulating that it wasn’t me or one of the cats.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Letting yourself and the nasty cats off the hook up front? I smell a coverup!”

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