The Cone Zone

Ambulance Chaser Smurf: “So you smurf it was your Mama who smurfed you in that neck brace?”
Java Bean: “Yes, because I wouldn’t stop licking my foot.”
Mouse: “You’re not really going to sue your Mama, are you, Bean?”
Java Bean: “I’m not really sure what suing Mama even means. I just thought it sounded fun to chase ambulances.”
Producer Smurf: “We’re not actually going to smurf after ambulances, Bean. You shouldn’t smurf everything so literally.”

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Better Call Small

Java Bean: “So the person who put me in this neck brace should have to give me green papers?”
Ambulance Chaser Smurf: “That’s correct. We will smurf them for all they’re worth and then some!”
Producer Smurf: “You smurf ’em, Ambulance Chaser Smurf!”

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Lulu’s Helpful Harbor Hints: How To Take Advantage of Your Human not Paying Attention to What’s On the Ground

Hello friendlies! Lulu here, with a helpful harbor hint! Although really it can be helpful anywhere … The hint is this: If you keep your nose to the ground, and especially if your human is busy looking through a camera, you are likely to detect that there is a large number of good-sized birds nesting in trees above a parking lot before your human does. You must take advantage of this as quickly as possible before they catch on. Here, allow me to demonstrate:

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Time And Restaurant Dimensions In Space

Lulu: “I thought you said we wouldn’t get kicked out of restaurants if we wore yellow hats.”
Alternate Spicoli: “I did say that, guv! But I didn’t say we wouldn’t get kicked out if your cat climbed on the decor.”
Java Bean: “This table looks like a giant marrow bone …”

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No Respect For Gravity

Alternate Spicoli: “Right, fully accessorized and ready to go! Pip pip!”
Lulu: “So … Dogs can eat in a fancy restaurant here as long as they’re wearing shockingly yellow hats?”
Alternate Spicoli: “You’re quick, guv! Hats really confuse the humans. Come on, I’ve got enough for everyone!”
Chaplin: “Boy, Alternate Dennis must’ve had a field day here with his fedora, then.”

Later …

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Extraordinary Claims …

Mouse: “All right, so, you claim that you three versions of Lulu, Chaplin, and Bean are from an alternate dimension?”
Lulu: “That’s correct.”

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Lulu’s Legal Tips: How to Object

Hello friendlies! Lulu here, with a new irregular feature, Lulu’s Legal Tips! My first one is going to be about How to Object! Now you may be asking, Lulu, why are you starting right in with how to object, instead of when and why to object? That’s an easy one; when and why to object are essentially the same thing: Because you don’t feel like answering a question somebody asked you.

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When The Birthday Dog’s Away

Dada’s Note: According to Bean’s paperwork from the shelter, his birthday is August 10th, 2021, making him one year old today! Since he is of course off exploring the Multiverse with Lulu and Chaplin, his party has been unavoidably delayed …

Mr. Nibbles: “Aren’t you tired of sitting in that box yet, Charlee?”
Charlee: “I don’t even understand what that means.”
Blue: “I object to the portrayal of dinosaurs on that birthday banner.”
Mouse: “But not the ones in the ‘Jurassic Park’ movies?”
Blue: “I get residuals for those.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Why do we have to wait for Bean before we have cake?”
Spicoli: “Because it’s Bean’s birthday, dude. Plus the baker’s not finished making it.”
Producer Smurf: “Greedy Smurf! How much longer until the cake is ready?”
Greedy Smurf: “I have to start over! I smurfed a sample taste and ended up smurfing the whole thing!”

Happy first birthday to the Bean!