The Hole World

Mole Man: “Those tunnels were abandoned. I just moved in and expanded them a little.”
Gopher Guy: “They were not! I had just temporarily suspended operation due to excessive digging interference from above.”
Lulu: “What’s going on up there? Who are you talking to?”
Charlee: “A Mole Man and a Gopher Guy. But we’re not really talking to them, they’re sort of arguing amongst themselves.”
Mouse: “I still say there’s no such thing as Mole Men and Gopher Guys.”
Chaplin: “That’s a pretty bold position to take considering they’re standing right there.”

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Mine All Mine

Mouse: “Lulu! Are you all right down there?”
Lulu: “I’m fine! Just sniffing around!”
Chaplin: “What’s the big idea leaving open mine shafts lying around our yard?”
Mole Man: “It wasn’t an open mine shaft. It was a mine shaft that came within an inch or two of the surface.”

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Overheard Around the House

Lulu: “Say, Mouse, what can you tell us about the Mole Men?”
Mouse: “What makes you think I would know anything about Mole Men?”
Lulu: “Well, you’re both rodents, and you both live underground. So we thought you might have inside information.”

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CSI: The Denouement

Horatio Caine: “… And so, after interviewing everyone here, I’ve been unable to find a viable suspect in the case of the mysterious pile of feathers. Most likely the crime was perpetrated by an outside agent, like a hawk or a jabberwock or a vicious knid. Any questions?”
Spicoli: “I have a question, dude. Where’d you get those shades? You never did tell me.”
Charlee: “How many kinds of knids are there? Are they all vicious or only some of them?”
Horation Cane: “Any questions about the case?
Spicoli: “No.”
Charlee: “No.”

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Lulu’s Life Tips: You Don’t Need To Answer Questions

Hello friendlies! Lulu here, with another life tip! This time, it’s about answering questions. Or, more accurately, accusations disguised as questions. And the tip is: You don’t have to do it. Sometimes you can just wait and the situation will resolve itself without your having to admit or deny anything. This is sometimes called “pulling the Fifth”. Here’s an example:

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Outside Investigations

Lulu: “All right, if everyone is through arguing and pointing paws at each other, I need to put together a team to investigate who ate the bird, stipulating that it wasn’t me or one of the cats.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Letting yourself and the nasty cats off the hook up front? I smell a coverup!”

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Whorunit Whodunit?

Lulu: “I found this pile of feathers in the yard. No sign of the bird it came from.”
Vermin: “HISSS! That’s why you dragged us into a meeting? Because of some stupid feathers?”

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Lulu’s Life Tips: Keeping House

Hello friendlies! Lulu here! This week’s life tip is maybe a little late, but it’s about spring cleaning. You know, when you kind of let the housework go over the winter because it’s winter and it’s dark and gloomy and nobody is coming over anyway so why bother, am I right?

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Let’s Vote On It

Mouse: “All right, so the reason I called this lunch meeting is to discuss what to do about this Blue character.”
Chaplin: “What do you mean?”
Spicoli: “What am I supposed to do with timothy hay?”

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Silly Details

Mouse: “So you’re trying to tell me that this is your Dada’s car?”
Lulu: “Uh-huh.”
Blue: “So you crows, you fly around this area a lot, yeah?”
Crow: “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”

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