Tag: gary johnson

The World Stage

putin_iron_throne

Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”

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The Great Debate (Prep)

dennis_debate_prep_1

Producer Smurf: “All right, pretend candidates! I am now going to smurf you a selection of questions chosen from those smurfed by the public to the web site presidentialopenquestions.com. Is everybody ready?”
Dennis: “Why does my mic say ‘Fisher-Price’ on it?”
Paula: “I’ll take ‘Potpourri’ for $1000, Alex.”
Simon: “Paula, that is not Alex Trebek, and this is not ‘Jeopardy’.”
Paula: “Are you sure this isn’t ‘Jeopardy’? Have you seen who’s running for President?”
Simon: “Fair enough. But for the love of all that’s holy, please, start at the top of the category and work your way down.”

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Damage Control

dennis_daily_rag

Newspaper Clipping: “Furry Party Campaign In Disarray As Infighting Continues
By A. NEWSHOUND

The longshot fifth-party cam- paign of Dennis the Vizsla’s Furry Party was thrown into turmoil this week as Dennis’s long-time campaign manager Producer Smurf clashed with new adviser Vizzini the Sicilian and Vizzini’s cat. Meanwhile, Furry vice-presidential candidate Vermin, going off-message, claims that she and the candidate are being stalked by evil clowns.”

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