The Pork Chop Express

Mr. Nibbles: “All right, so I think we’ve arrived at a solution that everyone can live with. First, Lo Pan will go stand by the cat tree so the Hipsters can jump from his head to the tree without any loss of altitude.”
Charlee: “Agreed.”

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Lo Panning Negotiations

Mr. Nibbles: “Thanks for asking me to handle these negotiations. Let’s start by setting expectations. Lo Pan, what would you like to get out of these discussions?”
Lo Pan: “I would like to get these cats off my head.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Well, that’s something we can―”
Lo Pan: “Also to marry a girl with green eyes.”
Mr. Nibbles: “I don’t think we can provide match making services―”
Lo Pan: “And to have my revenge on Jack Burton and Dennis the Vizsla! Hee hee hee!”
Mr. Nibbles: “I’m pretty sure Dennis isn’t going to agree to that last one. Also, who’s Jack Burton?”
Jack Burton: “Jack Burton. Me.”
Dennis: “Hey, Jack. Long time no see.
Jack Burton: “‘Sup, Dennis.”

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happy maybe probly twelfth birthday to me!!!

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay gess wot tooday is??? tooday is my maybe probly twelfth birthday!!!

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Vermin: “You say it’s your birthday! It’s my birthday too! So give me your cake!”
Dennis: “Do I have to?”
Spicoli: “I don’t think that’s how the song goes, dude.”

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The Consulate of China

consulate_of_china_1

Spicoli: “Dude, did you steal your Dada’s phone again?”
Dennis: “I never steal Dada’s phone. It’s just that sometimes people leave important messages on it for me and he never passes them along.”
Mouse: “Fake calls from the IRS threatening lawsuits or from people overseas claiming they’ll give you money in exchange for your bacnk account number don’t constitute ‘important messages’, Dennis.”
Dennis: “Sure sure. I’ve learned my lesson about those. But this one isn’t like that. Check it out!”

(Note: This is an actual voice mail from Dada’s phone)

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A Batty Broclamation

Mouse: “Thanks for helping me look for my friend. So you two really like White Castle, huh?”
Kumar: “Well, when the burgers are the size of a dime, you have to buy a lot of them.”
Harold: “Hey, Kumar, there’s our buddy. Pull over and see if he needs a ride.”

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