Lulu’s Life Tips: Don’t Listen to the Doubters

Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another life tip! This week, I would just like to tell all you dogs and cats out there: Don’t listen to the doubters! If you know what you want, go for it!

Charlee: “Listening to doubters is not generally a habit that we cats have.”
Lulu: “Is that because you’re tiny little sociopaths?”
Chaplin: “Of course not. We’re just very confident, that’s all.”
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Lulu’s Practical Dog’s Guide To Keeping Humans Entertained

Hello friendlies! Lulu here! You may remember that, a while back, I posted a how-to on converting cardboard boxes and similar items into jigsaw puzzles for your humans to assemble. Almost one year on, your humans may have gotten tired of the mental effort that puzzles require, and they may be looking for some other way to relax as we move into another summer. Fortunately, I have just the solution: Take some time out of your busy schedule to play with them!

Chaplin: “What is a dog’s schedule busy with, exactly?”
Lulu: “Oh, you know. Sleeping. Eating. Personal hygiene. Barking. Chasing squirrels. The usual.”
Charlee: “You’re more ambitious than we are.”
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Observed Around The Board Room

Mouse: “… So as you can see, I’ve performed a thorough examination and analysis of Chaplin’s genetic makeup and I can confirm that this is really him, not some sort of replicant or alien impersonator.”
Spicoli: “That imagery is a little bit terrifying, dude.”

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Lulu’s Life Tips: Play Like No One Is Watching (Even Though Somebody Probably Is)

Hello friendlies! Lulu here! You may have heard the expression “Dance like no one is watching”, and you may even have seen the associated merchandise, for instance:

I’m here to tell you that this is good advice, and it doesnt just apply to dancing, it also applies to playing!

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All’s Sour That Ends Sour

Cyberman #1: “You and your accomplices are now prisoners of the cyber authority. You will be transported to an appropriate detention facility.”
Lulu: “Does this mean we’re all going to prison?”
Charlee: “Probably.”
Chaplin: “Given Dennis’s track record I’m surprised we’ve stayed out of jail this long, to be honest.”
Cyberman #2: “Where did you get your stereo installed?”
Cybersqueekle: “At Fry’s.”

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Rave Review

Emcee: “Thank you, Glitter Dogs tribute band the Rhinestone Rhodesians! And now put your hands together for Squeekles tribute band the Mopp Topps!”
Mr. Nibbles: “All right, you’re on. Now just remember, don’t be nervous, even though there’s going to be hundreds of people staring at you.”
Chaplin: “Pffft. We can ignore hundreds of people just as easily as we ignore one.”
Lulu: “Oh boy! People? I love people! Will they give me belly rubs?”
Cybersqueekle: “It will be fine. My emotional circuitry is disabled in firmware.”
Producer Smurf: “What a smurfy crowd! This could finally be my big break as a producer! I need to get some merchandise made up to sell!”
Mouse: “Excuse me, I think I see someone I know out there.”

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No Treble

Producer Smurf: “All right, I’ve smurfed you a spot on a battle of the tribute bands type thing.”
Cybersqueekle: “I do not remember hiring you to be our manager.”
Producer Smurf: “Oh, see, I already manage the others, so by majoritarian rule I’m smurfo facto the manager of the entire band.”
Charlee: “Why do we have to be the Squeekles tribute band and wear these ridiculous wigs?”
Chaplin: “Yes, why didn’t you tell him you would be in the band?”
Mr. Nibbles: “Because I can’t sing.”
Lulu: “I feel like a sheepdog.”

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Mallcats

Cybersqueekle: “The costume shop is this way.”
Lulu: “Everyone keep an eye out. I’m pretty sure this is the same mall where that Paul Blart guy stole my car.”
Producer Smurf (into phone): “No, I didn’t smurf the band played heavy metal, I smurfed that one of the members is metal.”

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Lulu’s Life Tips With Bonus Lyrics: “Boom Snack”

Hello friendlies! Lulu here, reporting from the bunker, also known as underneath Dada’s desk.

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See I Told You

Lulu: “See? I told you they were nice! Well, one of them, anyway.”
Mr. Nibbles: “See? I told you we could get out of that situation by working together.”
Charlee: “See? I told you sending Lulu to bark at the door was a bad idea.”
Chaplin: “All right, all right, I get it.”
Lulu: “Thank you for carrying us out of there, Mr. Cyber Authority Man!”
Cybersqueekle: “You are welcome. Now we must go to the costume store before the other cyber authorities emerge from your domicile and discover that the mouse has freed you.”

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Heavy. Metal.

Cyberman #1: “We have apprehended a small group of furry hackers. Awaiting further instructions.”
Chaplin: “They’re ‘ever so nice’, eh, Lulu?”
Lulu: “Well in my defense, they did tell me I was pretty.”
Spicoli: “Psst. You metal dudes didn’t happen to bring any Doritos, did you?”
Cyberman #2: “No. Go away.”

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Cyber-Enabled Doorbell

Charlee: “I guess that must be the cyber authorities. What should we do? Should we find the mouse?”
Chaplin: “We don’t need the mouse. We can handle this on our own. Lulu, go bark at them and scare them away.”
Charlee: “Do you really think this is an appropriate time to be making jokes, Chaplin?”

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