CSI: The Denouement

Horatio Caine: “… And so, after interviewing everyone here, I’ve been unable to find a viable suspect in the case of the mysterious pile of feathers. Most likely the crime was perpetrated by an outside agent, like a hawk or a jabberwock or a vicious knid. Any questions?”
Spicoli: “I have a question, dude. Where’d you get those shades? You never did tell me.”
Charlee: “How many kinds of knids are there? Are they all vicious or only some of them?”
Horation Cane: “Any questions about the case?
Spicoli: “No.”
Charlee: “No.”

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CSI: The Bubble Bath

Producer Smurf: “I fail to smurf how smurfing a long bubble bath is going to smurf any mysteries or, more importantly, smurf me any material I can smurf for my smurfumentary and my smurfcast.”
Lulu: “It’s a temporary safety measure. We can’t investigate during an artillery bombardment from the base.”
Horatio Caine: “Yeah, what the dog said. Also, you might consider taking a bath in the sink. You seem to be smoldering a little.”

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Outside Investigations

Lulu: “All right, if everyone is through arguing and pointing paws at each other, I need to put together a team to investigate who ate the bird, stipulating that it wasn’t me or one of the cats.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Letting yourself and the nasty cats off the hook up front? I smell a coverup!”

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Whorunit Whodunit?

Lulu: “I found this pile of feathers in the yard. No sign of the bird it came from.”
Vermin: “HISSS! That’s why you dragged us into a meeting? Because of some stupid feathers?”

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Odd Jobs

Mr. Nibbles: “Sending Blue to get the mail again? Last time, wasn’t it just a bunch of bills?”
Chaplin: “Yes, but we’re still hoping there’ll be something good one of these days.”
Charlee: “Yeah like maybe one of those foreign bankers will finally send that money they promised to Dennis.”

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Let’s Vote On It

Mouse: “All right, so the reason I called this lunch meeting is to discuss what to do about this Blue character.”
Chaplin: “What do you mean?”
Spicoli: “What am I supposed to do with timothy hay?”

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Put This Thumb To The Test

Mouse: “All right, the first test of your thumb functionality will be opening this can of dog food.”
Lulu: “Come on, Blue! You can do it!”
Producer Smurf: “I smurf thumbs too, you know, and no one is smurfing all over me about it.”
Spicoli: “No you don’t, dude. You have four fingers that all look the same. Besides, you never let go of your megaphone or your little book.”

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Game Change

Lulu: “So I take it the guys in the suits are in this cabinet?”
Blue: “Yes they are. Say, are those cupcakes?”
Charlee: “You really like stalking people around kitchens, don’t you?”
Blue: “Well, you know, if something makes you famous, you stick with it.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Why is that nasty Blue still here? She’s obnoxious, she has too many teeth, all she ever does is talk about food, and she’s not even really a bird!”

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I Heard It On The SmurfChain

Mouse: “All right, Producer Smurf, you called this meeting so you have the floor.”
Producer Smurf: “Smurfy! I’m going to smurf the floor to Blockchain Smurf.”

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Observed Around the Board Room

Mouse: “First, I’d like to thank everyone for coming to this in-service …”
Producer Smurf: “Why are you thanking us? The memo you smurfed out smurfed attendance was mandatory.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Why do I have to be at this stupid meeting? I was barely involved in all this nonsense!”

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