What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Java Bean’s Results!

Norman #1: “Are you a ninja?”
Norman #2: “Look, I have a katana too!”
Norman #1: “Have you ever considered living underground?”
The Bride: “You weird little guinea pigs are messing up my cake frosting with your spines.”
Spicoli: “Dude, she thinks the ninja hedgehogs are guinea pigs.”
Mr. Nibbles: “I’m not going to correct her, friend Spicoli. Are you?”
Spicoli: “Ha ha ha ha ha! No.”
Producer Smurf: “All right, all right, let’s try to smurf through the chaos and get to Java Bean’s breed results!”
Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Java Bean’s Results!”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Java Bean Edition

Producer Smurf: “All right, let’s try to smurf ourselves together long enough to smurf some guesses as to what Bean’s genetic makeup is. First, let’s smurf from Vermin!”
Vermin: “HISSS! A nasty dog!”
Producer Smurf: “You smurfed the same guess for Lulu. Are you sure you don’t want to smurf a little more specific this time?”
Vermin: “HISSS! A nasty dog with asymmetrical ears!”
Producer Smurf: “The judges are smurfing me that ‘nasty with asymmetrical ears’ isn’t a breed, but they’ll allow it.”
Java Bean: “My ears are asymmetrical?”
Spicoli: “You know what would go well with that cake, dude?”
Blue: “No, what?”
Spicoli: “Coffee.”
Blue: “They had coffee in the room next door. I can go steal some.”
Chaplin: “I was sure he was going to say ‘Doritos’.”
Charlee: “So was I!”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Java Bean Edition”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Round 2

Producer Smurf: “Welcome to Round Two of ‘Guess What Went Into That Dog’! You already smurfed our contestants, so let’s smurf hello to this week’s dog, Java Bean!”
Java Bean: “¡Hola!”
Spicoli: “Any luck finding refreshments in the Green Room, dude?”
Blue: “Well they have dog biscuits in there but they wouldn’t let me have any. I might stage a raid later.”
Norman: “Did I just hear somebody say something about a raid?”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Round 2”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Lulu’s Results!

Producer Smurf: “Welcome back! Is everyone ready to smurf the results? Let’s get started!”
Spicoli: “What results are we looking at again? Did some dude take an exam?”
Mr. Nibbles: “Lulu’s genetic testing breed results, friend Spicoli.”
Spicoli: “Oh right. I remember now. Hey, wait, weren’t we going to make s’mores?”
Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Lulu’s Results!”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Lulu Edition

Producer Smurf: “All right, our first contestant is Vermin!”
Vermin: “HISSS! I keep telling all of you! My name is Jill!”
Producer Smurf: “Vermin is some kind of wallaby or something. She smurfs around the house hissing at everyone.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Crazy smurf! I’m an opossum! The part about hissing is accurate though.”
Producer Smurf: “All right then, Vermin, let’s smurf your guess as to what kind of dog Lulu smurfs!”
Vermin: “HISSS! She’s a nasty dog! Just like all the other nasty dogs and cats! Also I think she’s a clone of Trixie.”
Chaplin: “Mouse, you ruled out cloning as a source of where Lulu came from, right?”
Mouse: “Well, I know Trouble’s Clone-o-Matic wasn’t used to make her, but it’s not like I checked every other Clone-o-Matic in the world.”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Lulu Edition”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show

Producer Smurf: “What are you two smurfing down here?”
Java Bean: “The results of our genetic testing from Embark came back and we were just looking at them.”
Lulu: “Yeah, it says that I’m a—”
Producer Smurf: “Wait! Stop! Don’t smurf another word! I have just smurfed the most smurfy idea ever!”
Java Bean: “You have? What is it?”
Producer Smurf: “A breed reveal game show!”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show”

Observed Around The Backyard

Mr. Nibbles: “You look perturbed, friend Lulu.”
Lulu: “Java Bean set up a coffee shop in the backyard and I didn’t even notice. I feel like I’ve failed in my duty as a watchdog.”
Java Bean: “So what can I get for you cats?”
Chaplin: “Two catpuccinos with extra foam, a bird muffin and a lizard muffin, and a bowl full of moths.”
Java Bean: “Uh-huh. So the only one of those things I have anything close to is the catpuccino.”
Chaplin: “I bet Starbucks has them.”
Java Bean: “I bet they don’t.”

Continue reading “Observed Around The Backyard”

The Tour, Day 1: Television*

Java Bean: “What’s that thing? It must be important since it’s in some kind of shrine.”
Lulu: “This is the television. It’s full of monsters and zombies and aliens and superheroes and other very dangerous things.”

Continue reading “The Tour, Day 1: Television*”

They’re Off To See The Wizard

Charlee: “It wasn’t me who turned Chaplin into a pillbug. If I could do that, I would’ve done it a long time ago. I think it was a wizard.”
Producer Smurf: “Well if you smurf it was a wizard, let’s smurf to my village and smurf to Papa Smurf. He smurfs all about wizards.”

Continue reading “They’re Off To See The Wizard”

He’s Roly And He’s Poly

Charlee: “I’ve called this emergency meeting because sombody turned Chaplin into a roly-poly.”
Vermin: “HISSS! If somebody turned Chaplin into a roly-poly, it was Chaplin! That cat eats anything!”

Continue reading “He’s Roly And He’s Poly”

Ad Nauseum Targeting

Clippy: “Perhaps you would like to try a targeted advertising campaign instead? I can help you with that!”
Lulu: “Um, all right.”
Charlee: “Wait, Lulu, maybe we should talk about this first …”
Chaplin: “Yeah, when you chose non-targeted, we all got bombed by a firefighting air tanker.”
Lulu: “I’m sure that won’t happen this time. It’ll be targeted at our subscribers, right?”
Clippy: “Precisely!”

Continue reading “Ad Nauseum Targeting”

Disco Lu Doesn’t Advertise

Lulu: “What are you supposed to be? Some kind of genie?”
Clippy: “It looks like you’re trying to figure out what I am! Can I help you with that?”
Lulu: “Uh … Never mind. You said you could help with advertising?”

Continue reading “Disco Lu Doesn’t Advertise”