Put This Thumb To The Test

Mouse: “All right, the first test of your thumb functionality will be opening this can of dog food.”
Lulu: “Come on, Blue! You can do it!”
Producer Smurf: “I smurf thumbs too, you know, and no one is smurfing all over me about it.”
Spicoli: “No you don’t, dude. You have four fingers that all look the same. Besides, you never let go of your megaphone or your little book.”

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Game Change

Lulu: “So I take it the guys in the suits are in this cabinet?”
Blue: “Yes they are. Say, are those cupcakes?”
Charlee: “You really like stalking people around kitchens, don’t you?”
Blue: “Well, you know, if something makes you famous, you stick with it.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Why is that nasty Blue still here? She’s obnoxious, she has too many teeth, all she ever does is talk about food, and she’s not even really a bird!”

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I Heard It On The SmurfChain

Mouse: “All right, Producer Smurf, you called this meeting so you have the floor.”
Producer Smurf: “Smurfy! I’m going to smurf the floor to Blockchain Smurf.”

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Observed Around the Board Room

Mouse: “First, I’d like to thank everyone for coming to this in-service …”
Producer Smurf: “Why are you thanking us? The memo you smurfed out smurfed attendance was mandatory.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Why do I have to be at this stupid meeting? I was barely involved in all this nonsense!”

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Big Latin

Lulu: “It doesn’t look like that guy you hired did a very good job erasing the graffiti.”
Chaplin: “It’s so hard to find good help these days.”
Spicoli: “Maybe that’s because you hired somebody who ran away from the circus, dude.”
Batman: “It’s one of the Riddler’s riddles! Ed, you evil genius!”
Mouse: “Ed didn’t write this. That clown did.”
Batman: “What clown?”
Mouse: “The clown hiding behind that equipment over there.”
Joker: “Tee-hee!”

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Lulu’s Life Tips: Don’t Listen to the Doubters

Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another life tip! This week, I would just like to tell all you dogs and cats out there: Don’t listen to the doubters! If you know what you want, go for it!

Charlee: “Listening to doubters is not generally a habit that we cats have.”
Lulu: “Is that because you’re tiny little sociopaths?”
Chaplin: “Of course not. We’re just very confident, that’s all.”
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Lulu’s Practical Dog’s Guide To Keeping Humans Entertained

Hello friendlies! Lulu here! You may remember that, a while back, I posted a how-to on converting cardboard boxes and similar items into jigsaw puzzles for your humans to assemble. Almost one year on, your humans may have gotten tired of the mental effort that puzzles require, and they may be looking for some other way to relax as we move into another summer. Fortunately, I have just the solution: Take some time out of your busy schedule to play with them!

Chaplin: “What is a dog’s schedule busy with, exactly?”
Lulu: “Oh, you know. Sleeping. Eating. Personal hygiene. Barking. Chasing squirrels. The usual.”
Charlee: “You’re more ambitious than we are.”
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Observed Around The Board Room

Mouse: “… So as you can see, I’ve performed a thorough examination and analysis of Chaplin’s genetic makeup and I can confirm that this is really him, not some sort of replicant or alien impersonator.”
Spicoli: “That imagery is a little bit terrifying, dude.”

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Lulu’s Life Tips: Play Like No One Is Watching (Even Though Somebody Probably Is)

Hello friendlies! Lulu here! You may have heard the expression “Dance like no one is watching”, and you may even have seen the associated merchandise, for instance:

I’m here to tell you that this is good advice, and it doesnt just apply to dancing, it also applies to playing!

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All’s Sour That Ends Sour

Cyberman #1: “You and your accomplices are now prisoners of the cyber authority. You will be transported to an appropriate detention facility.”
Lulu: “Does this mean we’re all going to prison?”
Charlee: “Probably.”
Chaplin: “Given Dennis’s track record I’m surprised we’ve stayed out of jail this long, to be honest.”
Cyberman #2: “Where did you get your stereo installed?”
Cybersqueekle: “At Fry’s.”

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Rave Review

Emcee: “Thank you, Glitter Dogs tribute band the Rhinestone Rhodesians! And now put your hands together for Squeekles tribute band the Mopp Topps!”
Mr. Nibbles: “All right, you’re on. Now just remember, don’t be nervous, even though there’s going to be hundreds of people staring at you.”
Chaplin: “Pffft. We can ignore hundreds of people just as easily as we ignore one.”
Lulu: “Oh boy! People? I love people! Will they give me belly rubs?”
Cybersqueekle: “It will be fine. My emotional circuitry is disabled in firmware.”
Producer Smurf: “What a smurfy crowd! This could finally be my big break as a producer! I need to get some merchandise made up to sell!”
Mouse: “Excuse me, I think I see someone I know out there.”

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No Treble

Producer Smurf: “All right, I’ve smurfed you a spot on a battle of the tribute bands type thing.”
Cybersqueekle: “I do not remember hiring you to be our manager.”
Producer Smurf: “Oh, see, I already manage the others, so by majoritarian rule I’m smurfo facto the manager of the entire band.”
Charlee: “Why do we have to be the Squeekles tribute band and wear these ridiculous wigs?”
Chaplin: “Yes, why didn’t you tell him you would be in the band?”
Mr. Nibbles: “Because I can’t sing.”
Lulu: “I feel like a sheepdog.”

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