Video

Tucker Tuesday: Shark Week

Tucker’s follow-up X-Rays, performed yesterday, have revealed that his lungs are now clear of aspirated fluid. His appetite has returned, but he is still down several pounds that he can ill-afford to have lost. At the moment he is on a diet of pretty much exclusively high-calorie Stella & Chewy’s freeze-dried patties, rehydrated in water so he can get them down more easily. Tucker thinks that’s pretty grand.

And what does Dennis get? A case of the envies.

The Rice Pirates

Having spent the last several hours crawling through filthy ventilation systems with John McClane has finally paid off, as we have reached a vent that will give us access to the main hangar of the Spud Star, where our ship, the Orca, is sits unguarded. Darth Tater has deployed all of his Spudtroopers to the other decks, never considering that we might be planning to steal aboard our vessel and escape; he knows me too well to think I would ever abandon the rest of the crew, who are his prisoners. But he has not reckoned on John McClane, who considers our teammates hippies, and has no compunction about ruthlessly abandoning them to make our getaway. Little do we know that out there in the coldness of space, closer than we could imagine, there lurks a ship carrying men who are more desperate, hungry, and ruthless than John McClane, Tucker, and Darth Tater put together …

Continue reading

Dog Impact

Having achieved orbit and rendezvoused with the shuttle, we are now prepared to travel to the outer limits of the solar system and destroy the Alaska-sized asteroid that threatens to obliterate all life on earth. Our precious payload of Pop Rocks and soda is the only thing standing between our planet and a deep impact.

Continue reading