Lo Pan And Shut Case

Bugs Bunny: “I’m pretty  impressed that you managed to wriggle out of that tiny tunnel opening, Doc. How’d you do it?”
Jack Burton: “Nothing to it. I just greased it up with pomade and slipped right out.”
Vermin: “HISSS! I seem to be stuck in the tunnel entrance.”
Jack Burton: “Of course, once the pomade sets up, it’s like cement.”
Lo Pan: “Now, while their backs are turned, I will destroy them!”

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Lo Pan Range


Bugs Bunny: “So you say you got set up by this Lo Pan, eh? I don’t know that guy. I usually have to put up with jokers like Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam. Is this Lo Pan like either of those maroons?”
Dennis: “Yep, he’s exactly like them. Except taller. And with magical powers. And a criminal empire. And, uh, legitimately dangerous.”
Producer Smurf: “I think what Dennis is smurfing to smurf is that Lo Pan smurfs nothing like those smurfs.”
Bugs Bunny: “Yeah, no kidding, Doc! He sounds more like yours truly!”
Spicoli: “The worst part of this whole thing was watching Lo Pan eat all our pork chops after we got arrested.”
Jack Burton: “You mean my pork chops.”
Spicoli: “Dude. Not the time to nitpick.”

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The Pork Chop Express

Mr. Nibbles: “All right, so I think we’ve arrived at a solution that everyone can live with. First, Lo Pan will go stand by the cat tree so the Hipsters can jump from his head to the tree without any loss of altitude.”
Charlee: “Agreed.”

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Lo Panning Negotiations

Mr. Nibbles: “Thanks for asking me to handle these negotiations. Let’s start by setting expectations. Lo Pan, what would you like to get out of these discussions?”
Lo Pan: “I would like to get these cats off my head.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Well, that’s something we can―”
Lo Pan: “Also to marry a girl with green eyes.”
Mr. Nibbles: “I don’t think we can provide match making services―”
Lo Pan: “And to have my revenge on Jack Burton and Dennis the Vizsla! Hee hee hee!”
Mr. Nibbles: “I’m pretty sure Dennis isn’t going to agree to that last one. Also, who’s Jack Burton?”
Jack Burton: “Jack Burton. Me.”
Dennis: “Hey, Jack. Long time no see.
Jack Burton: “‘Sup, Dennis.”

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Still More Trouble In Little China

Having fought our way free of the Three Storms, Jack Burton and I now face Lo Pan himself.  Can we prevail against this 2,000 year old evil sorcerer and his intimidating hat?  If not, it won’t be because we didn’t try!

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Everybody Wing Kong Tonight

While Lo Pan’s minions pillage Little China, I am losing valuable time trying to restore Jack Burton’s confidence with another “magic” potion. He has already rejected the magical powers of Yoohoo, but fortunately, I have a few more options under my hat. Surely one of them will do the trick … but unfortunately, when in nerd form, Jack is very fussy.

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