On The Third Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me A Ninja Hedgehog Conspiracy

Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Our spies have told us that those cats and that dog have developed a new strain of Christmas mealworm.”

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On The First Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me Some Elves Who Decided To Flee

Vermin: “HISSS! Well aside from a few elves getting eaten, that meeting went pretty well! Everyone likes the design of the … Hey, where is all the equipment? And the rest of the elves?”
Christmas Mealworm: “Those two elves you put in charge fired all the other elves when they tried to unionize, then they loaded all the equipment into a big truck and drove off with it.”

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Have You Done Your Market Research?

Chaplin: “I thought they were going to be like normal mealworms, only festive.”
Charlee: “Honestly, a giant mealworm is a little bit … What’s the word I’m looking for … disturbing.”
Mealworm: “I’m standing right here and I can hear you. Ho ho ho! Sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”
Green Elf #1: “Bigger is better! And we can charge more for each one, so the profits will be huge!”
Lulu: “I think the market for four-foot-long Christmas mealworms is maybe not as big as the market for regular-sized mealworms.”
Vermin: “HISSS! You don’t know that! You haven’t done any studies! We still might sell some!”
Green Elf #2 (sotto voce): “So listen, do you think you could introduce me to Smurfette?”
Producer Smurf (sotto voce): “I’m not supposed to smurf within a hundred apples of her, so, no.”

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Did You Read The Job Description?

Lulu: “What do you mean, there aren’t elves all over the conference room? Just look at them!”
Vermin: “HISSS! Those aren’t elves. They’re scientists.”
Green Elf #1: “Yeah, that’s right, we green elves are all on the mealworm genetic engineering task force!”
Red Elf #1: “And we red elves are also on the genetic engineering taskforce!”
Producer Smurf: “Where’d you smurf your hat?”
Green Elf #2: “Standard North Pole issue. Yours?”
Producer Smurf: “Tailor Smurf.”

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Meeting Crashers

Charlee: “Do you remember when the mouse asked you if you had hired elves to make Santa hats and boots, and you said no?”
Vermin: “HISSS! Of course I remember! I’m not a goldfish!”

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It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas Mealworms

Vermin: “HISSS! So what will make the Christmas mealworms unique and let us charge a premium is that they’ll have a little Santa hat, beard, and boots.”
Spicoli: “Uhh, yeah, dude, that’s not horrifying at all.”

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The Next Big Thing

Lulu: “All right, so the sugar-free chewing gum for dogs was a bust, due to supply chain contamination.”
Charlee: “You had Spicoli pee on the boxes while we were using them!”
Lulu: “Right, like I said. Supply chain contamination.”

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CSI: The Mealworm Vats

Ninja Hedgehog: “Hey, Vermin, somebody’s here to see you. But keep stirring the mealworm vat.”
Vermin: “HISSS! I told you, my name is Jill! If you keep calling me Vermin, I’m reporting you to Animal Resources!”

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Observed Around the Secret Ninja Hedgehog Lair

Norman #1: “I’m starting to think there’s just a tape recorder in there, Norman.”
Norman #2: “Maybe we should just dump it over.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “No, that’s too risky, Norman. You may have beaten the fluffy dog in paw-to-paw combat, but she might have booby-trapped the wheelbarrow.”

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Caturday Picture Show: The Results Are In

Randy: “Yo! Hello there, dawgs! We’re back with the results of audience voting from last week’s Caturday Picture Show!”
Charlee: “Why does he keep calling us dogs when some of us are clearly cats?”
Vermin: “HISS! Why do you keep calling me ‘Vermin’ when my name is Jill and I’m clearly mostly beneficial?”
Simon: “We decided to present the winning entry via teleconference to avoid any more issues with giant mealworms and such.”
Paula: “I’m still having nightmares about that thing!”

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Shaken Not Stirred


James Bond: “Stand back, my furry little friends. These creatures are dangerous!”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “So, Mr. Bond, you thought you could blow up our mealworm vats and not pay the price? Think again.”
Dennis: “I haven’t done anything to your mealworm vats. Lately. And why are you calling me Mr. Bond? The guy in the tuxedo is Mr. Bond. The guy who isn’t Chaplin, I mean.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence, hound! No one is talking to you.”
Chaplin: “Should we pounce on them, Charlee? I think we should pounce on them.”
Charlee: “Yes, we should definitely pounce on them.”
Mouse: “You two do realize the ninja hedgehogs are pointing a cannon at us, right?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s too bad Miss Trixie wasn’t born yet in 1986. Miss Trixie always knew how to handle ninja hedgehogs.”

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The Great Debate Begins

dennis_debate_1

Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty Presidential Debate Committee can’t even fulfill a simple request for a bowl of mealworms in the green room! I kill them. I kill them all!”
Dennis: “Why do they call it the green room, anyway? It’s not green. It’s more of a taupe.”
Producer Smurf: “Dennis! Let’s get a smurf on! It’s time for the debate!”
Mr. Nibbles: “You’ve got this, Mr. Dennis! Just be your lovable furry self!”
Mouse: “Dennis, it’s not too late to withdraw from the debate and go home and take a nap.”
Spicoli: <noisily drinking from toilet>

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