A Heffalump’s Faithful Like Zero Percent

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Spicoli: “Dude, why are you still carrying that fake spider around? I thought you were afraid of it.”
Dennis: “Well I was, but then I realized that I haven’t been attacked by any heffalumps while I’ve had it, so I think it’s keeping the heffalumps away.”
Spicoli: “That’s funny, I don’t remember you having a problem with being attacked by heffalumps before Vermin dropped the spider on your head.”
Dennis: “Well I wasn’t. But I could have.”

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Secret Agent Marsupial

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Secret Service Agent #1: “Okay, Vermin, here’s the deal. You help us defuse the hostage situation, and we’ll give you the mealworms that the ninja hedgehog terrorists think we’re giving them.”
Opossum: “HISSSS! Now you’re talking! But stop calling me Vermin!”
Secret Service Agent #2: “Would you prefer that we call you by your Secret Service code name?”
Opossum: “Ooh! I have a code name? What is it?”
Secret Service Agent #2: “‘Varmint.'”

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Die Hard With Opossum

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Norman #1: “I disabled the wi-fi Norman.”
Norman #2:”Good work, Norman.”
Ron Burgundy: “This situation has gotten very, very serious.”
Producer Smurf: “No smurfing, really?”
Ron Burgundy: “Yes. I can’t post to Instagram or Twitter or live-stream to Facebook.”
Mouse: “Say, who’s the new ninja hedgehog?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “That’s Norman. He has a cannon on his head.”
Mouse: “Really? Are you sure he didn’t just get his face stuck in a toilet paper roll?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence!”
Opossum (thinking from inside air shaft): “HISSS! Come to the coast, there’ll be a debate, we’ll have a few laughs …”

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The World Stage

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Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”

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its the sunday awards and meem show seefud and interrogashun and noo cohost awdishun edishun!!!

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay welkum to the sunday awards and meem show seefud and noo cohost awdishun edishun!!! hay wow awdishun edishun that is verry ketchy dont yoo think???

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