Back! To the Future!

Dennis: “I hope the Hipsters are doing all right with those ninja hedgehogs.”
James Bond (1986): “I’m sure there’s no need to worry about your little friends, Dennis. They can obviously take care of themselves.”
Mouse: “I’m not sure if you really believe that or if you just want a martini.”
James Bond (1986): “I’d love a martini. Thanks ever so much.”
Mouse: “If you think I’m offering to get you a martini then you clearly don’t understand the relationship between mice and humans.”

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Shaken Not Stirred


James Bond: “Stand back, my furry little friends. These creatures are dangerous!”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “So, Mr. Bond, you thought you could blow up our mealworm vats and not pay the price? Think again.”
Dennis: “I haven’t done anything to your mealworm vats. Lately. And why are you calling me Mr. Bond? The guy in the tuxedo is Mr. Bond. The guy who isn’t Chaplin, I mean.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence, hound! No one is talking to you.”
Chaplin: “Should we pounce on them, Charlee? I think we should pounce on them.”
Charlee: “Yes, we should definitely pounce on them.”
Mouse: “You two do realize the ninja hedgehogs are pointing a cannon at us, right?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s too bad Miss Trixie wasn’t born yet in 1986. Miss Trixie always knew how to handle ninja hedgehogs.”

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Retrograde Amnesia


Dennis: “Okay, let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You’re James Bond, you’ve never seen me before, and this is 1986.”
James Bond: “Correct on all counts.”
Mouse: “Of course he’s never seen you before, Dennis. You met him over thirty years in his future.”
Dennis: “Right, but why didn’t his future self say anything about having met me before? I mean, people usually remember me.”

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A Heffalump’s Faithful Like Zero Percent

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Spicoli: “Dude, why are you still carrying that fake spider around? I thought you were afraid of it.”
Dennis: “Well I was, but then I realized that I haven’t been attacked by any heffalumps while I’ve had it, so I think it’s keeping the heffalumps away.”
Spicoli: “That’s funny, I don’t remember you having a problem with being attacked by heffalumps before Vermin dropped the spider on your head.”
Dennis: “Well I wasn’t. But I could have.”

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Secret Agent Marsupial

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Secret Service Agent #1: “Okay, Vermin, here’s the deal. You help us defuse the hostage situation, and we’ll give you the mealworms that the ninja hedgehog terrorists think we’re giving them.”
Opossum: “HISSSS! Now you’re talking! But stop calling me Vermin!”
Secret Service Agent #2: “Would you prefer that we call you by your Secret Service code name?”
Opossum: “Ooh! I have a code name? What is it?”
Secret Service Agent #2: “‘Varmint.'”

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Die Hard With Opossum

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Norman #1: “I disabled the wi-fi Norman.”
Norman #2:”Good work, Norman.”
Ron Burgundy: “This situation has gotten very, very serious.”
Producer Smurf: “No smurfing, really?”
Ron Burgundy: “Yes. I can’t post to Instagram or Twitter or live-stream to Facebook.”
Mouse: “Say, who’s the new ninja hedgehog?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “That’s Norman. He has a cannon on his head.”
Mouse: “Really? Are you sure he didn’t just get his face stuck in a toilet paper roll?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence!”
Opossum (thinking from inside air shaft): “HISSS! Come to the coast, there’ll be a debate, we’ll have a few laughs …”

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The World Stage

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Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”

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