On The Second Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me Some Elves Who I Could Track Down And Eat

Vermin: “HISSS! So I need the two of you to use your noses to track down a couple of runaway elves. They smell like cinnamon and spearmint.”
Blue: “Track them down and eat them?”

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On The First Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me Some Elves Who Decided To Flee

Vermin: “HISSS! Well aside from a few elves getting eaten, that meeting went pretty well! Everyone likes the design of the … Hey, where is all the equipment? And the rest of the elves?”
Christmas Mealworm: “Those two elves you put in charge fired all the other elves when they tried to unionize, then they loaded all the equipment into a big truck and drove off with it.”

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Have You Done Your Market Research?

Chaplin: “I thought they were going to be like normal mealworms, only festive.”
Charlee: “Honestly, a giant mealworm is a little bit … What’s the word I’m looking for … disturbing.”
Mealworm: “I’m standing right here and I can hear you. Ho ho ho! Sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”
Green Elf #1: “Bigger is better! And we can charge more for each one, so the profits will be huge!”
Lulu: “I think the market for four-foot-long Christmas mealworms is maybe not as big as the market for regular-sized mealworms.”
Vermin: “HISSS! You don’t know that! You haven’t done any studies! We still might sell some!”
Green Elf #2 (sotto voce): “So listen, do you think you could introduce me to Smurfette?”
Producer Smurf (sotto voce): “I’m not supposed to smurf within a hundred apples of her, so, no.”

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Did You Read The Job Description?

Lulu: “What do you mean, there aren’t elves all over the conference room? Just look at them!”
Vermin: “HISSS! Those aren’t elves. They’re scientists.”
Green Elf #1: “Yeah, that’s right, we green elves are all on the mealworm genetic engineering task force!”
Red Elf #1: “And we red elves are also on the genetic engineering taskforce!”
Producer Smurf: “Where’d you smurf your hat?”
Green Elf #2: “Standard North Pole issue. Yours?”
Producer Smurf: “Tailor Smurf.”

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The Next Big Thing

Lulu: “All right, so the sugar-free chewing gum for dogs was a bust, due to supply chain contamination.”
Charlee: “You had Spicoli pee on the boxes while we were using them!”
Lulu: “Right, like I said. Supply chain contamination.”

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Extreme Measures

Lulu: “Listen, guys, I’m giving you one last chance to surrender my boxes peacefully.”
Chaplin: “Sorry, we’ve turned them into our fort.”
Charlee: “We’re prepared to defend them to the very last.”

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The Great Tuna Hunt: Part 4

Vermin: “HISSS! Nasty cats, leaving litter in the street!”
Charlee: “It’s not litter, it’s our latest plan to make the giant can of tuna fall down.”
Chaplin: “When it stomps on the sign, it’ll step on the skateboard, the skateboard will roll away, the can of tuna will fall down, Blue will pop it open, and we’ll all eat like kings!”
Spicoli: “Won’t it just squash the skateboard flat, dudes?”
Charlee: “Maybe. But that’s why we piled Legos and a banana peel on the skateboard.”
Chaplin: “Okay, Blue, hit it!”

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The Great Tuna Hunt Part 3

Producer Smurf: “So what is this new scheme you’ve smurfed up here?”
Chaplin: “We’ve attached a couple of rockets to the steel cable. When the can of tuna stomps on the sign, we’ll fire the rockets.”
Charlee: “And then the can of tuna will trip and Blue will pop it open with her claw and we’ll all eat like kings. Hit it, Blue!”

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The Great Tuna Hunt: Part 2

Charlee: “We’re in position. When the giant tuna can comes by, we just have to lift up the cable.”
Blue: “All right, just let me know when you’re ready for me to write the new ‘supermarket’ sign.”
Chaplin: “Three … two … one …”
Spicoli: “Where are you dudes going?”
Mouse: “Just heading into the backyard. We can’t bear to watch any more of this fiasco.”

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The Great Tuna Hunt: Part One

Chaplin: “Okay, so now we just have to lure one of the giant cans of tuna this way, and when it trips over the steel cable, Blue will pounce on it and pop it open with her claw. And then we feast!”
Vermin: “HISSS! Yeah, okay, Tucker-cat! Good luck with your foolproof plan! Ha ha ha ha!”
Spicoli: “Dude, I thought the idea was that you would pile up sharp rocks and the can would pop itself open on those.”
Charlee: “Well, it turns out rocks are pretty heavy.”
Lulu: “Aren’t thick steel cables pretty heavy too?”
Mouse: “Shhh.”

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You Can Tune A Piano, But …

Producer Smurf: “So you’re smurfing it’s not supposed to smurf the case that giant cans of tuna smurf around the countryside stomping things into the ground?”
Mouse: “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Spicoli: “I don’t know, dude, I have trouble even imagining a world like that. What do the cans of tuna do there?”
Mouse: “They sit in the pantry waiting for someone to open them and eat them.”
Spicoli: “Pfft yeah right! Nobody has a pantry that big! Tell us another one, dude.”

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Let’s Do The Time Warp Again, Again

Lulu: “You know, I spent a lot of time in a dog house at the ranch where I used to live, and it didn’t have all these view ports and controls and it was just the same size on the inside as you would expect.”
Blue: “That sounds pretty boring.”
Charlee: “I can’t believe after all this I still haven’t gotten any food. Hey, mouse, could you figure out where that place we were would be now so we can go there and have a look around?”
Mouse: “Are you saying that you want me to calculate where 66 million years of continental drift would have taken your cans of tuna so that you can find the and eat them now?”
Charlee: “Yes, exactly.”

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