Meeting Crashers

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Mr. Nibbles: “What do you think it wants?”
Dennis: “I don’t know. It never talks or moves. It just stands there motionless.”
Producer Smurf: “I can’t believe you’re all smurfing out over a bird.”
Spicoli: “Yeah, dudes! Stop smurfing out already!”
Vermin: “HISSS! Now let me show you nasty dogs and stupid rodents how opossum camouflage really works.”
Mouse: “Opossum camouflage? So you finally admit you’re not a cat?”
Vermin: “Meow.” Continue reading

Observed Around The House

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Spicoli: “So are you feeling better now that your friend Billy Idol told you that’s just a toy spider and not a killer plastic alien invader, dude?”
Dennis: “Yep! That wasn’t Billy Idol, though, that was the Doctor.”
Spicoli: “Dude! Seriously? What is he a doctor of? Can he write me a prescription?”
Dennis: “Ummm, I don’t think he’s a veterinarian. I’ve never seen him with a dog. Except for me of course.”

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Can You Hear Me Now?

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Spicoli: “Dude, what’s this electronic gadget thingie?”
Dennis: “It’s a dog video chat phone. It lets me call Mama and Dada when I’m worried about something. Also, it dispenses treats.”
Vermin: “HISSSS! Silly scaredy dog! I can only imagine how much use that’ll get! I give it two hours before they stop taking your calls!”
Dennis: “They can’t stop taking my calls! They’re Mama and Dada!”

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Secret Agent Marsupial

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Secret Service Agent #1: “Okay, Vermin, here’s the deal. You help us defuse the hostage situation, and we’ll give you the mealworms that the ninja hedgehog terrorists think we’re giving them.”
Opossum: “HISSSS! Now you’re talking! But stop calling me Vermin!”
Secret Service Agent #2: “Would you prefer that we call you by your Secret Service code name?”
Opossum: “Ooh! I have a code name? What is it?”
Secret Service Agent #2: “‘Varmint.'”

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Die Hard With Opossum

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Norman #1: “I disabled the wi-fi Norman.”
Norman #2:”Good work, Norman.”
Ron Burgundy: “This situation has gotten very, very serious.”
Producer Smurf: “No smurfing, really?”
Ron Burgundy: “Yes. I can’t post to Instagram or Twitter or live-stream to Facebook.”
Mouse: “Say, who’s the new ninja hedgehog?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “That’s Norman. He has a cannon on his head.”
Mouse: “Really? Are you sure he didn’t just get his face stuck in a toilet paper roll?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence!”
Opossum (thinking from inside air shaft): “HISSS! Come to the coast, there’ll be a debate, we’ll have a few laughs …”

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The World Stage

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Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”

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