ChapQuest

Spicoli: “Yo, mousie dude, any luck locating Chaplin’s microchip yet?”
Mouse: “Not yet. I just uploaded the worm and it’s starting to search for other computers and IoT devices to infect and use to search for Chaplin.”
Vermin: “HISS! Now we have to walk on nasty wood chips?! I didn’t sign up for this!”
Mr. Nibbles: “But it’s such a nice day. And aren’t the trees pretty?”
Producer Smurf: “Boooooring.”

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Snack Quest with a Vengeance

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Bilbo Baggins: “Hello, Spicoli. What can I do for you today?”
Spicoli: “Hey dude! This is my friend Chaplin. He’s on a quest for snacks.”
Chaplin: “Aren’t you a little big for a gopher?”

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SnackQuest

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Chaplin: “Do you have any snacks I could borrow?”
Mouse: “What do you mean, ‘borrow’? Snacks are really a one-way kind of item after you eat them.”
Chaplin: “They’re not for me. Charlee and Lulu are mad at me and won’t let me into their Princess Club unless I bring them snacks.”
Mouse: “I see. Well, leaving aside the fact that you are not exactly Princess Club material, yes, I have snacks. I’ve been collecting dried cranberries, stale granola, grains of rice, peanuts, peanut shells—”
Chaplin: “Yuck! That all sounds more like trash than like snacks.”
Mouse: “Well, I am a mouse.”

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Memorial Monday: In The Hall Of David Bowie. I Mean The Goblin King.

RIP Jareth. I mean David Bowie. (Post originally appeared in 2009.)

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Jailbreak

Having been rescued from certain annihilation, TRON, YORI, and I have traveled to the most remote region of the iPhone in which I am trapped. They have promised to take me to someone who can help me escape this electronic prison and return me to the real world, but first, we must traverse an ever-more-bizarre landscape. I have not been in such a strange place since encountering the Goblin King several years ago. I can only hope my app friends know what they’re doing …

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Dennis-Quest

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Mission Accomplished … ?

Having successfully captured the so-called “monster” that had been terrorizing the Bog of Eternal Stench, my gnome guide and I have embarked on our return journey to the Goblin King’s castle, where we will present Tucker to him and let him know that the threat is ended.  Then, perhaps, the Goblin King will permit Tucker and I to leave this bizarre realm.  I can only hope …

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The Goblin King’s Quest

After agreeing to perform some service for the mysterious and terrifying Goblin King, I have found myself being led through the Labyrinth by a glum and morose Hoggle, who insists that this quest will be the death of us.  Unfortunately, I still don’t know what we are supposed to do, and Hoggle doesn’t seem to want to tell me.  How can I succeed in this task when I don’t even know what it is?  I will have to find a way, using all the skills at my disposal.

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In The Hall Of The Goblin King

After escaping from the FBI dungeon with the help of my new friend, Hoggle the Gnome, I have found myself in a strange subterranean maze, the likes of which have not been seen since the Minotaur roamed the labyrinth of Knossos.  Although I am greatly relieved to be out of captivity, I find myself wondering if I have not traded one prison for another, vaster one, even more difficult to escape.

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the kong of the godz

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog well as yoo no i resently compleetd my kwest to find the lost kongs however an astoot reeder has sent me a pikcher of a jigantic kong bigger then enny dog toy yoo hav evr seen tayk a luk:

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Raiders of the Lost Kong

Rumor has it they used to worship red Kongs around here.  You know, the kind that look like insulators from power lines or the rubber bump-stop from an old Volkswagen.  But one by one, the Kongs disappeared.  The superstitious say that the gods took them back up to Paradise; others, that the Kongs never existed at all except in the minds of the faithful.  Me?  I think there must be some truth behind the legends.  And I aim to find out what it is.

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