Chaplin: “We don’t really know what happened. There was a guy who looked like Santa, but dressed all in blue instead of red. He arrested this gnome who looked like Substitute Charlee.”
Charlee: “There is no substitute for the real Charlee. FYI.”
Spicoli: “Dressed all in blue? Hmm …”
Norman #3: “That’s the most ridiculous superhero outfit I’ve ever seen.”
Norman #2: “Well, now, remember that time Batman’s GPS went wonky and he showed up in our cave and he was wearing that suit with the nipples on it?”
Java Bean: “So, ninja hedgehogs! I bet you didn’t expect to run into a brand new crime-fighting duo today!”
Norman #4: “Which one of you is Supermutt and which one is Exotic Lulu?”
Norman #1: “Nice job phrasing your answer in the form of a question, Norman!”
Norman #1: “Look, Norman, the door is closed.”
Norman #2: “How do we usually get in for raiding when the door is closed?”
Norman #4: “I think we use ninja trickery, skills, and subterfuge.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “All right, Normans! Norman here reports that there are unawarded game show prizes to be had at the house where the crazy dogs live. You know what that means!”
Norman #1: “RAID!”
Norman #2: “RAID!”
Norman #3: “RAID!”
Norman #4: “What is a raid?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “What are you all doing back here empty-pawed? Didn’t I send you to check out that new coffee shop everyone’s talking about?”
Norman #1: “We found it. It’s in the backyard at the house where Dennis used to live.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Okay, so just give the fluffy dog that looks like Trixie but isn’t Trixie a belly rub, and steal the coffee when she falls asleep.”
Mr. Nibbles: “You look perturbed, friend Lulu.”
Lulu: “Java Bean set up a coffee shop in the backyard and I didn’t even notice. I feel like I’ve failed in my duty as a watchdog.”
Java Bean: “So what can I get for you cats?”
Chaplin: “Two catpuccinos with extra foam, a bird muffin and a lizard muffin, and a bowl full of moths.”
Java Bean: “Uh-huh. So the only one of those things I have anything close to is the catpuccino.”
Chaplin: “I bet Starbucks has them.”
Java Bean: “I bet they don’t.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “All right, boys! The giant spiders have attacked! The moment we’ve been training for has finally arrived!”
Norman #1: “Sorry, what? Have we been training all these years to fight giant spiders?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Our spies have told us that those cats and that dog have developed a new strain of Christmas mealworm.”
Continue reading “On The Third Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me A Ninja Hedgehog Conspiracy”
Norman #1: “Nobody move, this is a ninja hedgehog raid!”
Norman #2: “We have water pistols and we’re not afraid to … Hey, where’d the cat go?”
Lulu: “You mean Chaplin? He had to use the facilities. He asked me to watch his stuff while he was gone.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “You’re back! But where are the mealworms?”
Norman #1: “There aren’t any mealworms.”
Norman #2: “The cat didn’t fence any of our stuff yet.”
Norman #1: “Nobody move! This is a ninja hedgehog raid!”
Norman #2: “Hand over our 20% of the loot you got for fencing our stuff, your 80% of the loot you got for fencing our stuff, and our stuff that you fenced!”
Spicoli: “Dude, why are you still carrying that fake spider around? I thought you were afraid of it.”
Dennis: “Well I was, but then I realized that I haven’t been attacked by any heffalumps while I’ve had it, so I think it’s keeping the heffalumps away.”
Spicoli: “That’s funny, I don’t remember you having a problem with being attacked by heffalumps before Vermin dropped the spider on your head.”
Dennis: “Well I wasn’t. But I could have.”
Continue reading “A Heffalump’s Faithful Like Zero Percent”
Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”
Continue reading “The World Stage”
The Oceanside Animals 