Chaplin: “What are you two looking at?”
Lulu: “Apparently someone scuttled a container ship in the Port of San Diego and it’s causing all kinds of trade problems.”
Chaplin: “The Port of San Diego? Isn’t that where we just were?”
Charlee: “No. Repeat after me: We were at Pier 1 shopping for patio furniture.”
Lulu: “Psst! Chaplin! We’re here to rescue you!”
Chaplin: “Rescue me? I don’t need to be rescued. I’m scamming all kinds of free food down here.”
Charlee: “But the ship is mostly underwater. If the windows in that room start to leak, you might get wet.”
Seagull: “What’s wrong with water? I love water! Love it! Love it!”
Captain Yosemite Sam: “Sinking while at the pier in the harbor! Consarn it! I’m never going to live this one down!”
Chaplin: “Can you explain this wi-fi password concept to us one more time?”
Captain Yosemite Sam: “I already illustrated it for you varmints with Ritz crackers, pieces of biscotti, potato chips, and a charcuterie plate! You’re just incapable of understanding it!”
Seagull: “Once more! Just once more! Maybe with rice cakes! With rice cakes!”
Chaplin: “Eww, no, not with rice cakes.”
Seagull: “Did I say rice cakes? I meant French fries! French fries! French fries!”
Batman: “So tell me, have you ever considered adding cat ears to your uniform?”
Uhura: “Captain, we’ve locked onto the target destination for Josie and the Pussycats. Also, requesting permission to smack Batman upside the head.”
Captain Kirk: “Permission granted. Scotty, beam our guests down after Uhura smacks Batman.”
Norman #1: “I sure hope Norman doesn’t find out about this, Norman.”
Norman #2: “I won’t tell if you don’t, Norman.”
Lulu: “Listen, while you’re at it, I could use a good bristle brushing, too.”
Norman #2: “We’re ninja hedgehogs, not hairdressers. We don’t carry bristle brushes around.”
Lulu: “Well I have an idea about that …”
Mouse: “Chaplin, are you familiar with the term ‘fence’ … ?”
Chaplin: “Of course. Lulu complains about the fence all the time. She says it keeps her from chasing the squirrels that live on the hillside.”
Mama: “Lulu, did you steal this plastic drain cleaner?”
Lulu: “The what now?”
Chaplin: “Thank you for the elevenses, Mr. Baggins. It was delicious.”
Bilbo Baggins: “You’re welcome! Are you sure you got enough to eat? There’s still plenty of food left.”
Chaplin: “I know, but it’s mostly fruit. That stuff will kill you.”
Continue reading “Live Free and Snack Hard”
Spicoli: “So what have you been up to lately, dude?”
Producer Smurf: “Why are you smurfing me that question? You smurf what I’ve been up to. You’ve been smurfing around Norway with me.”
Bugs Bunny: “Oh you know, doc, the usual. Humiliating Elmer Fudd, thwarting aliens, getting locked up. You?”
Spicoli: “Snacking.”
Chaplin: “I have a question for you, Troll Wizard.”
Troll Wizard: “Shoot.”
Continue reading “You Must Ask The Right Questions”
Dada’s Note: Literally the day we were going to make the call, Dennis suddenly bounced back, happily greeting us at the door with a wagging tail for the first time in days. Whether this is an effect of increased prednisone and his new biome treatment finally kicking in or just a spontaneous remission, we don’t know, but we’re happy he’s feeling better for however long as it lasts. Meanwhile, Dennis decided to celebrate his good fortune by playing the lottery.
Mr. Nibbles: “Friend Dennis, what are all those coupons you’ve got there?”
Dennis: “They’re a bunch of TennisBall lottery tickets that I bought.”
Mouse: “Are you sure you don’t mean Powerball?”
Dennis: “Umm, I don’t know. What’s the difference?”
Continue reading “Do You Feel Lucky?”
Spicoli: “Dude, did you steal your Dada’s phone again?”
Dennis: “I never steal Dada’s phone. It’s just that sometimes people leave important messages on it for me and he never passes them along.”
Mouse: “Fake calls from the IRS threatening lawsuits or from people overseas claiming they’ll give you money in exchange for your bacnk account number don’t constitute ‘important messages’, Dennis.”
Dennis: “Sure sure. I’ve learned my lesson about those. But this one isn’t like that. Check it out!”
Continue reading “The Consulate of China”
Dennis: “Hello there! My name is Dennis the human person and I am here with my guinea pig/St. Bernard mix, which is my human person pet.”
Mouse: “Mr. Nibbles, why are you going along with this when you know it’s going to be a fiasco?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s part of a project to help Mr. Dennis get over his fear of strange dogs.”
Continue reading “Point/Counter Point”
