The Consulate of China

consulate_of_china_1

Spicoli: “Dude, did you steal your Dada’s phone again?”
Dennis: “I never steal Dada’s phone. It’s just that sometimes people leave important messages on it for me and he never passes them along.”
Mouse: “Fake calls from the IRS threatening lawsuits or from people overseas claiming they’ll give you money in exchange for your bacnk account number don’t constitute ‘important messages’, Dennis.”
Dennis: “Sure sure. I’ve learned my lesson about those. But this one isn’t like that. Check it out!”

(Note: This is an actual voice mail from Dada’s phone)

Continue reading

Point/Counter Point

dennis_poetic_license_counter_1

Dennis: “Hello there! My name is Dennis the human person and I am here with my guinea pig/St. Bernard mix, which is my human person pet.”
Mouse: “Mr. Nibbles, why are you going along with this when you know it’s going to be a fiasco?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s part of a project to help Mr. Dennis get over his fear of strange dogs.”

Continue reading

Overheard Around The House And Elsewhere

possum_jealous_1

Vermin: “HISSS! I don’t know why they brought in these kittens when there’s already a perfectly good grey and white cat hanging around.”
Mouse: “But, ‘Dennis’, I don’t see a grey and white ‘cat’ anywhere. Do you?”
Charlee: “A talking field mouse. / A smelly dog-headed thing. / It’s like a freak show.”

Continue reading

It’s A Blast

blast_room_1

Dennis: “I don’t see why my box of meat has to be in the blast chamber. It’s just meat.”
Ambassador: “Bob said so and Bob is the expert.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Stupid big dog! Why are you complaining? If the crate has a bomb in it and the bomb goes off, we’ll have instant barbecue!”
Dennis: “Oooh, you’re right! Blow it up, Bob!”
Bob the Pyromaniac Builder: “All right, I’m going to open the crate!”

Continue reading

Embassytown

Ambassador: “Welcome to the American Embassy, Mr. Vizsla and, uh, whatever that other thing is.”
Dennis: “I was kind of hoping we would end up at the Blogville embassy …”
Vermin: “HISSS! Nasty diplomat! I am a vizsla too! Can’t you tell by my ridiculous floppy ears, my slobbery jowls, and the goofy expression on my face? Not to mention my wonderful good nature??!! Stupid human!”
Ambassador: “Oooookay. Well anyway, you two have caused a pretty big ruckus for our friends here in Burkina Faso. Those kids out there are convinced you have iPhones for them.”

Continue reading

Teen Point Five Million

dennis_possum_burkina_faso_1

Vermin: “HISSS! I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable traveling over all this water on a heavily laden  magic flying coaster.”
Dennis: “Oh it’s fine! I’ve only got one more stop to make and I don’t think it’s very far.”
Vermin: “HISSS! All right, good! Where are we going?”
Dennis: “Burkina Faso.”

Continue reading

The Chicago Way

to_chicago_1

Dennis: “There sure is a lot of whooping and clanging going on back at the bank.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Oh it’s just the cops. Nothing to worry about. Where are we going next?”
Dennis: “Chicago. Dada has an unclaimed box full of money in a warehouse there.”

Continue reading