The Unmasked Singer

Batman: “So tell me, have you ever considered adding cat ears to your uniform?”
Uhura: “Captain, we’ve locked onto the target destination for Josie and the Pussycats. Also, requesting permission to smack Batman upside the head.”
Captain Kirk: “Permission granted. Scotty, beam our guests down after Uhura smacks Batman.”

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The Norman Conquest

Norman #1: “I sure hope Norman doesn’t find out about this, Norman.”
Norman #2: “I won’t tell if you don’t, Norman.”
Lulu: “Listen, while you’re at it, I could use a good bristle brushing, too.”
Norman #2: “We’re ninja hedgehogs, not hairdressers. We don’t carry bristle brushes around.”
Lulu: “Well I have an idea about that …”

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Don’t Fence Me In

Mouse: “Chaplin, are you familiar with the term ‘fence’ … ?”
Chaplin: “Of course. Lulu complains about the fence all the time. She says it keeps her from chasing the squirrels that live on the hillside.”

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Live Free and Snack Hard

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Chaplin: “Thank you for the elevenses, Mr. Baggins. It was delicious.”
Bilbo Baggins: “You’re welcome! Are you sure you got enough to eat? There’s still plenty of food left.”
Chaplin: “I know, but it’s mostly fruit. That stuff will kill you.”

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You Must Ask The Right Questions

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Spicoli: “So what have you been up to lately, dude?”
Producer Smurf: “Why are you smurfing me that question? You smurf what I’ve been up to. You’ve been smurfing around Norway with me.”
Bugs Bunny: “Oh you know, doc, the usual. Humiliating Elmer Fudd, thwarting aliens, getting locked up. You?”
Spicoli: “Snacking.”
Chaplin: “I have a question for you, Troll Wizard.”
Troll Wizard: “Shoot.”

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Do You Feel Lucky?

Dada’s Note: Literally the day we were going to make the call, Dennis suddenly bounced back, happily greeting us at the door with a wagging tail for the first time in days. Whether this is an effect of increased prednisone and his new biome treatment finally kicking in or just a spontaneous remission, we don’t know, but we’re happy he’s feeling better for however long as it lasts. Meanwhile, Dennis decided to celebrate his good fortune by playing the lottery.

Mr. Nibbles: “Friend Dennis, what are all those coupons you’ve got there?”
Dennis: “They’re a bunch of TennisBall lottery tickets that I bought.”
Mouse: “Are you sure you don’t mean Powerball?”
Dennis: “Umm, I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

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The Consulate of China

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Spicoli: “Dude, did you steal your Dada’s phone again?”
Dennis: “I never steal Dada’s phone. It’s just that sometimes people leave important messages on it for me and he never passes them along.”
Mouse: “Fake calls from the IRS threatening lawsuits or from people overseas claiming they’ll give you money in exchange for your bacnk account number don’t constitute ‘important messages’, Dennis.”
Dennis: “Sure sure. I’ve learned my lesson about those. But this one isn’t like that. Check it out!”

(Note: This is an actual voice mail from Dada’s phone)

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Point/Counter Point

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Dennis: “Hello there! My name is Dennis the human person and I am here with my guinea pig/St. Bernard mix, which is my human person pet.”
Mouse: “Mr. Nibbles, why are you going along with this when you know it’s going to be a fiasco?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s part of a project to help Mr. Dennis get over his fear of strange dogs.”

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Overheard Around The House And Elsewhere

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Vermin: “HISSS! I don’t know why they brought in these kittens when there’s already a perfectly good grey and white cat hanging around.”
Mouse: “But, ‘Dennis’, I don’t see a grey and white ‘cat’ anywhere. Do you?”
Charlee: “A talking field mouse. / A smelly dog-headed thing. / It’s like a freak show.”

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It’s A Blast

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Dennis: “I don’t see why my box of meat has to be in the blast chamber. It’s just meat.”
Ambassador: “Bob said so and Bob is the expert.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Stupid big dog! Why are you complaining? If the crate has a bomb in it and the bomb goes off, we’ll have instant barbecue!”
Dennis: “Oooh, you’re right! Blow it up, Bob!”
Bob the Pyromaniac Builder: “All right, I’m going to open the crate!”

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Embassytown

Ambassador: “Welcome to the American Embassy, Mr. Vizsla and, uh, whatever that other thing is.”
Dennis: “I was kind of hoping we would end up at the Blogville embassy …”
Vermin: “HISSS! Nasty diplomat! I am a vizsla too! Can’t you tell by my ridiculous floppy ears, my slobbery jowls, and the goofy expression on my face? Not to mention my wonderful good nature??!! Stupid human!”
Ambassador: “Oooookay. Well anyway, you two have caused a pretty big ruckus for our friends here in Burkina Faso. Those kids out there are convinced you have iPhones for them.”

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