Meeting Crashers

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Mr. Nibbles: “What do you think it wants?”
Dennis: “I don’t know. It never talks or moves. It just stands there motionless.”
Producer Smurf: “I can’t believe you’re all smurfing out over a bird.”
Spicoli: “Yeah, dudes! Stop smurfing out already!”
Vermin: “HISSS! Now let me show you nasty dogs and stupid rodents how opossum camouflage really works.”
Mouse: “Opossum camouflage? So you finally admit you’re not a cat?”
Vermin: “Meow.” Continue reading

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Sea Dogs

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Sky Turtle: “What are we doing at the San Diego harbor?”
Spicoli: “We’re trying to find Dennis.”
Sky Turtle: “But the drunken, mascara-wearing biped said Dennis would be aboard his old pirate ship. They don’t have pirate ships here.”
Spicoli: “Dude, check out all the boats with big sails. Don’t those look like pirate ships to you?”

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Die Hard With Opossum

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Norman #1: “I disabled the wi-fi Norman.”
Norman #2:”Good work, Norman.”
Ron Burgundy: “This situation has gotten very, very serious.”
Producer Smurf: “No smurfing, really?”
Ron Burgundy: “Yes. I can’t post to Instagram or Twitter or live-stream to Facebook.”
Mouse: “Say, who’s the new ninja hedgehog?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “That’s Norman. He has a cannon on his head.”
Mouse: “Really? Are you sure he didn’t just get his face stuck in a toilet paper roll?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence!”
Opossum (thinking from inside air shaft): “HISSS! Come to the coast, there’ll be a debate, we’ll have a few laughs …”

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The World Stage

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Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”

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The Great Debate Begins

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Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty Presidential Debate Committee can’t even fulfill a simple request for a bowl of mealworms in the green room! I kill them. I kill them all!”
Dennis: “Why do they call it the green room, anyway? It’s not green. It’s more of a taupe.”
Producer Smurf: “Dennis! Let’s get a smurf on! It’s time for the debate!”
Mr. Nibbles: “You’ve got this, Mr. Dennis! Just be your lovable furry self!”
Mouse: “Dennis, it’s not too late to withdraw from the debate and go home and take a nap.”
Spicoli: <noisily drinking from toilet>

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