Bleep: “Bleep! Bleep! Bleep!”
Lulu: “I never had a stuffie that went ‘Bleep’ before. I feel like I’m being sweared at.”
Sebastian: “It’s the latest thing. Fully electronic.”
Valerie: “I have my doubts about this re-entry vehicle.”
Batman: “Don’t worry, Eartha, it’s perfectly safe. It will return your friends to Earth and then come back for us. Meanwhile, could you ladies put your Catwoman ears back on?”
Alexandra: “So you’re not aliens who are here to harvest our brains?”
Batman: “No. I’m Batman and this is my sidekick, the Dog Wonder.”
Lulu: “I hired you, remember? How am I the sidekick here?”
Batman: “Now, Dog Wonder, it’s bad form for heroes to quibble about credit in front of the helpless civilians.”
Having acquired bulk quantities of Diet Coke and Mentos, I am now ready to return to outer space aboard my fishing trawler the Orca for a final showdown with my arch-nemesis Darth Tater and his space station the Death Spud Star. Unfortunately, I did not count on the vastness of the Costco parking lot. I have now spent hours trying to find my vessel and am no closer than I was when I started. Perhaps next time I should put a flashing light on top of the mast. Little do I know, though, that my movements throughout the lot are being tracked by a mysterious vehicle and an even more mysterious observer …
Continue reading “The Last Dogfighter”
After being “rescued” from the clown wizard’s dungeon by the mysterious Doctor Who, I have found myself whisked off across the galaxy inside what appears to be an extremely technologically sophisticated phone booth. I am not sure what exactly the Doctor’s purpose is in keeping me aboard his ship; as far as I can see, his interstellar wanderings are even more aimless than mine were when I was first taken aboard an alien spacecraft nearly one year ago. But I cannot convince him to return me to the university, and so I must make the best of an extremely odd situation.
Continue reading “PUPSTERMINATE!!!”
Although we have escaped from the Death Spud, things are not looking good for Trixie, Tucker, and me. Our small shuttle was never meant to travel through deep space, and lacks the ability to produce adequate food and water. Even the life support system is beginning to fail, as power runs low and non-critical systems shut down. We are adrift, and if we aren’t found soon, I fear it will be … too late.
Continue reading “The Hitchhiker’s Guide Dog To The Galaxy”
After being forced into an early launch by the unexpected attack from the giant hedgehog known as Spiny Norman, my alien friends have set a course for their homeworld in deep space. Because of a strict no-pets policy enforced by their planetary HOA, I cannot accompany them. Fortunately, their route out of the solar system takes us near a top-secret experimental government starship built with technology obtained from Keepers of the Giant Kong. They give me a strange alien atomic artifact as a parting gift, and then beam me through the icy vacuum of space to my new home aboard the starship Enterprise.
The helicopter flight from Skull Island to my ultimate destination has been long and exhausting, the only rest period being a layover in Japan to drop off Young Kong in Tokyo. It turns out that my kidnappers in the black airships had no interest in Young Kong at all; they were only after the Kong of the Gods itself. And, as it turns out, me.
Continue reading “Close Encounters of the Kong Kind”
The Oceanside Animals 