Last week, Spiny Norman and I faced seemingly certain doom as our fighter jet fell apart in the middle of a training exercise-turned-dogfight against Maverick and his sidekick Mark Greene. As we plummeted toward the ground, all hope seemed lost; but surely this cannot be the end for Dennis the Vizsla, can it?
Last week, Spiny Norman and I enrolled in the Top Gun school, so that Spiny Norman could fulfill his dream of flying airplanes. Little did I realize that the cutthroat world of the Top Gun school makes the cutthroat world of the university seem like the cutthroat world of kindergarten. We immediately ran afoul of the local BMOC, Maverick; but now that I’ve gotten Spiny Norman into this program, I will not let him fail, despite the best efforts of Maverick and his sidekicks!
Last week, I promised to help Spiny Norman find a job and fit back into society. Unfortunately, after a criminal life spent on the streets, Spiny Norman has few marketable skills, and is unable to relate to people in a normal manner. It is a difficult task I have set before myself, but I am sure Spiny Norman can succeed. All he needs is the right opportunity.
When I filed my last dispatch, nearly a month ago, my arch-nemesis (no, my OTHER arch-nemesis, Spiny Norman) had just crashed a university fund-raiser, forcing me to finally confront him head-on in an epic battle for the ages. Where have I been in the thirty days since our battle started? In a word: Everywhere.
Now that the mysterious affair of the Maltese Crow has been resolved, and everything is once again in color instead of black and white, I had hoped that I could go back to the quiet life of an unassuming archeology professor slash globetrotting adventurer slash space traveler slash private detective. Unfortunately, there was one thing that I hadn’t counted on: A university fund-raiser. One would almost prefer to face the horror of Darth Tater than a room full of potential donors. But we do what we must, don’t we?
hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay recently my gud frend amanda showd pikchers of her visit to mownt evans in the mithical land of colorado and i rememberd heering that dada and his brother had visited this spot wen they were just puppeez in the aynchent lost decade of the seventeez wen they didnt hav enny internets or dijital pikchers ennyway i manajd to track down fotografik evidense of this visit by contacting the top secret sowrse wot gayv me such other aynchent fotografs like this wun so now i present to yoo scanned thirty yeer old slides:
The helicopter flight from Skull Island to my ultimate destination has been long and exhausting, the only rest period being a layover in Japan to drop off Young Kong in Tokyo. It turns out that my kidnappers in the black airships had no interest in Young Kong at all; they were only after the Kong of the Gods itself. And, as it turns out, me.
I failed to retrieve the Giant Kong from the Kraken before he passed it to the notorious Piranha Brothers. Now I’ve learned that the Piranha Brothers have fenced it to some mobsters in order to keep it away from the fearsome hedgehog Spiny Norman. I cannot let this archaeological treasure languish forever in some kingpin’s lair; it belongs to the world, not the underworld. And so, I must go undercover.
When word came in to the department about the Giant Kong of the Gods, they sent me, Dennis the Vizsla, their most fearless archaeologist, to retrieve it. But I was too late; the Giant Kong was gone, stolen by the evil Garbage Men. I don’t know where they took it. All I know is that I have to get it back.