Having unexpectedly encountered my old and long-presumed-deep-fried nemesis, Darth Tater, our spaceship has found itself surrounded by superior forces, cut off from outside assistance, and about to be boarded. It looks like I will spend the rest of my days as a prisoner of Darth Tater, perhaps an exhibit in his petting zoo; but as the rest of the crew files out on deck to be clapped in chains, Harry Stamper grabs my collar and pulls me into one of the air ducts. Crazy at it seems, he thinks we have a chance against Tater and his minions. Even crazier, he tells me to start calling him John McClane.
Having achieved orbit and rendezvoused with the shuttle, we are now prepared to travel to the outer limits of the solar system and destroy the Alaska-sized asteroid that threatens to obliterate all life on earth. Our precious payload of Pop Rocks and soda is the only thing standing between our planet and a deep impact.
As I ended my last dispatch, I was trapped in the trash compactor with my colleagues Tucker and Trixie aboard the vast space station, known as the Death Spud, that I had originally mistaken for a moon. Although our position is precarious, it seems that we are momentarily safe — at least, until the walls start moving …
Now that my shuttle has passed through the wormhole, I find myself in a galaxy far, far away. Now that I am closer to it, the enormous object that I took for a moon has proved to be an enormous space station, the likes of which I have never seen before. I can only hope that those who operate it are friendly, because now, they know I am here …
After our apocalyptic battle with Captain Sweet Tater and the Space Spud, things have begun to return to normal aboard the Enterprise. Everyone still mourns Mr. Spock, but our new crew member Mr. Spud has assumed Spock’s duties and continues to impress everyone with his racquetball prowess. Most of the equipment that was damaged during the fight with the Space Spud has been replaced.
I have begun to dream of being returned to earth soon to resume my duties at the department of archeology, investigating lost civilizations and finding lost kongs. But then, mysterious things begin happening aboard the Enterprise — mysterious, and disturbing.
What began as a quest to find the Kong of the Gods has led me into the midst of a battle between two starship captains, each with a will of iron, each commanding one of the most advanced war machines in the galaxy. My training as an archeologist never prepared me for anything like this.
After being forced into an early launch by the unexpected attack from the giant hedgehog known as Spiny Norman, my alien friends have set a course for their homeworld in deep space. Because of a strict no-pets policy enforced by their planetary HOA, I cannot accompany them. Fortunately, their route out of the solar system takes us near a top-secret experimental government starship built with technology obtained from Keepers of the Giant Kong. They give me a strange alien atomic artifact as a parting gift, and then beam me through the icy vacuum of space to my new home aboard the starship Enterprise.