After arriving at Earth just in time to prevent Darth Tater from mashing it, and then blasting my way through his army of drones, I find myself confronting Darth Tater himself in a one-on-one battle in space. I have flyball-honed reflexes and amazing paw-eye coordination on my side; but Darth Tater has something even more powerful. He has my hat.
Having defeated the ace bowler Jesus Quintana in single combat, I earned the right to fly one of the Rylan Star League’s supposedly high-tech StarFighters. Unfortunately, it appears that while the StarFighter may have been high-tech 25 years ago, it is sadly outdated compared to the SpudFighters that Darth Tater is able to launch from the Death Spud; but at the moment it is the only ship I have. Let the battle begin!
Having been recruited by the mysterious Rylan Star League, I had expected to receive a starfighter and training in how to fly it, so that I can destroy my nemesis Darth Tater; but it turns out that the Rylan Star League, far from being an elite corps of pilots, is in fact a bowling organization. They have starfighters, to be sure, but in order to earn one, I have to defeat their top ace, Jesus Quintana, known as “The Jesus”, in single combat. The weapon of choice: A bowling ball. Fortunately, when it comes to games involving balls, no one can beat The Dennis.
Having acquired bulk quantities of Diet Coke and Mentos, I am now ready to return to outer space aboard my fishing trawler the Orca for a final showdown with my arch-nemesis Darth Tater and his space station the Death Spud Star. Unfortunately, I did not count on the vastness of the Costco parking lot. I have now spent hours trying to find my vessel and am no closer than I was when I started. Perhaps next time I should put a flashing light on top of the mast. Little do I know, though, that my movements throughout the lot are being tracked by a mysterious vehicle and an even more mysterious observer …