What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Java Bean’s Results!

Norman #1: “Are you a ninja?”
Norman #2: “Look, I have a katana too!”
Norman #1: “Have you ever considered living underground?”
The Bride: “You weird little guinea pigs are messing up my cake frosting with your spines.”
Spicoli: “Dude, she thinks the ninja hedgehogs are guinea pigs.”
Mr. Nibbles: “I’m not going to correct her, friend Spicoli. Are you?”
Spicoli: “Ha ha ha ha ha! No.”
Producer Smurf: “All right, all right, let’s try to smurf through the chaos and get to Java Bean’s breed results!”
Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Java Bean’s Results!”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Java Bean Edition

Producer Smurf: “All right, let’s try to smurf ourselves together long enough to smurf some guesses as to what Bean’s genetic makeup is. First, let’s smurf from Vermin!”
Vermin: “HISSS! A nasty dog!”
Producer Smurf: “You smurfed the same guess for Lulu. Are you sure you don’t want to smurf a little more specific this time?”
Vermin: “HISSS! A nasty dog with asymmetrical ears!”
Producer Smurf: “The judges are smurfing me that ‘nasty with asymmetrical ears’ isn’t a breed, but they’ll allow it.”
Java Bean: “My ears are asymmetrical?”
Spicoli: “You know what would go well with that cake, dude?”
Blue: “No, what?”
Spicoli: “Coffee.”
Blue: “They had coffee in the room next door. I can go steal some.”
Chaplin: “I was sure he was going to say ‘Doritos’.”
Charlee: “So was I!”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Java Bean Edition”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Round 2

Producer Smurf: “Welcome to Round Two of ‘Guess What Went Into That Dog’! You already smurfed our contestants, so let’s smurf hello to this week’s dog, Java Bean!”
Java Bean: “¡Hola!”
Spicoli: “Any luck finding refreshments in the Green Room, dude?”
Blue: “Well they have dog biscuits in there but they wouldn’t let me have any. I might stage a raid later.”
Norman: “Did I just hear somebody say something about a raid?”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Round 2”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Lulu’s Results!

Producer Smurf: “Welcome back! Is everyone ready to smurf the results? Let’s get started!”
Spicoli: “What results are we looking at again? Did some dude take an exam?”
Mr. Nibbles: “Lulu’s genetic testing breed results, friend Spicoli.”
Spicoli: “Oh right. I remember now. Hey, wait, weren’t we going to make s’mores?”
Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Featuring Lulu’s Results!”

What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Lulu Edition

Producer Smurf: “All right, our first contestant is Vermin!”
Vermin: “HISSS! I keep telling all of you! My name is Jill!”
Producer Smurf: “Vermin is some kind of wallaby or something. She smurfs around the house hissing at everyone.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Crazy smurf! I’m an opossum! The part about hissing is accurate though.”
Producer Smurf: “All right then, Vermin, let’s smurf your guess as to what kind of dog Lulu smurfs!”
Vermin: “HISSS! She’s a nasty dog! Just like all the other nasty dogs and cats! Also I think she’s a clone of Trixie.”
Chaplin: “Mouse, you ruled out cloning as a source of where Lulu came from, right?”
Mouse: “Well, I know Trouble’s Clone-o-Matic wasn’t used to make her, but it’s not like I checked every other Clone-o-Matic in the world.”

Continue reading “What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Lulu Edition”

Barking Lessons

Bean: “All right, for our first exercise, who can tell me what this is a picture of?”
Blue: “Jurassic Park!”
Corinne Corgi: “Weeds that the peasants haven’t tidied up in a long time.”
Rhodey Ridgeback: “Lions!”
Bernice Bernese: “Mountains!”
Poppy Poodle: “No place I would want to go.”
Sleepy Dog: “Is it time for a break yet?”
Puppy: “I don’t know but it makes me want to pee.”

Continue reading “Barking Lessons”

Orientation

Bean: “Welcome to day one of How To Be A Watchdog. Umm, Lulu, I kind of thought it was just going to be me showing you how to bark at stuff.”
Lulu: “Well I invited a few friends.”
Rhodey Ridgeback: “I would just like to point out that there are cats here.”

Continue reading “Orientation”

The Tour, Day 2: The Kitchen

Lulu: “This is the kitchen. It’s where food preparation takes place.”
Java Bean: “Food, eh? Funny, it doesn’t look like a taco truck.”
Spicoli: “Did someone say ‘taco truck’?”

Continue reading “The Tour, Day 2: The Kitchen”

They’re Off To See The Wizard

Charlee: “It wasn’t me who turned Chaplin into a pillbug. If I could do that, I would’ve done it a long time ago. I think it was a wizard.”
Producer Smurf: “Well if you smurf it was a wizard, let’s smurf to my village and smurf to Papa Smurf. He smurfs all about wizards.”

Continue reading “They’re Off To See The Wizard”

He’s Roly And He’s Poly

Charlee: “I’ve called this emergency meeting because sombody turned Chaplin into a roly-poly.”
Vermin: “HISSS! If somebody turned Chaplin into a roly-poly, it was Chaplin! That cat eats anything!”

Continue reading “He’s Roly And He’s Poly”

Ad Nauseum Targeting

Clippy: “Perhaps you would like to try a targeted advertising campaign instead? I can help you with that!”
Lulu: “Um, all right.”
Charlee: “Wait, Lulu, maybe we should talk about this first …”
Chaplin: “Yeah, when you chose non-targeted, we all got bombed by a firefighting air tanker.”
Lulu: “I’m sure that won’t happen this time. It’ll be targeted at our subscribers, right?”
Clippy: “Precisely!”

Continue reading “Ad Nauseum Targeting”

Overheard Around the Backyard

Huntsman Spider: “Well I think it’s time for me to go walkabout! Thanks for the use of your yard! Shame none of you besides the big bird wanted any barbecued insects, but more for me, as they say!”
Lulu: “All right, bye then! Wait, did you just say you were going for a walk? I also like walks!”
Producer Smurf: “Just let the giant spider leave, don’t smurf it questions!”

Continue reading “Overheard Around the Backyard”