Tag: vladimir putin

Secret Agent Marsupial

Secret Service Agent #1: “Okay, Vermin, here’s the deal. You help us defuse the hostage situation, and we’ll give you the mealworms that the ninja hedgehog terrorists think we’re giving them.” Opossum: “HISSSS! Now you’re talking! But stop calling me Vermin!” Secret Service Agent #2:… Continue Reading “Secret Agent Marsupial”

Die Hard With Opossum

Norman #1: “I disabled the wi-fi Norman.” Norman #2:”Good work, Norman.” Ron Burgundy: “This situation has gotten very, very serious.” Producer Smurf: “No smurfing, really?” Ron Burgundy: “Yes. I can’t post to Instagram or Twitter or live-stream to Facebook.” Mouse: “Say, who’s the new… Continue Reading “Die Hard With Opossum”

The World Stage

Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.” Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy… Continue Reading “The World Stage”

Clown Hall Debate

Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, per your instructions, we have modified the instant poll software for the American Presidential debate.” Vladimir Putin: “Excellent. Now leave me alone with my Precious for a bit. I just fished it out of the lava pool into which some… Continue Reading “Clown Hall Debate”

The Great Debate Begins

Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty Presidential Debate Committee can’t even fulfill a simple request for a bowl of mealworms in the green room! I kill them. I kill them all!” Dennis: “Why do they call it the green room, anyway? It’s not green. It’s more of… Continue Reading “The Great Debate Begins”

The Great Debate (Prep)

Producer Smurf: “All right, pretend candidates! I am now going to smurf you a selection of questions chosen from those smurfed by the public to the web site presidentialopenquestions.com. Is everybody ready?” Dennis: “Why does my mic say ‘Fisher-Price’ on it?” Paula: “I’ll take ‘Potpourri’ for $1000,… Continue Reading “The Great Debate (Prep)”

Poll Position

Mouse: “Are you all right, Dennis? You look a little flushed.” Dennis: “I’m fine. It’s just the Kung Pao.” Mouse: “I’m sure your mama will be thrilled to have all her clothes smelling like Chinese takeout.” Dennis: “Ha ha ha! So am I!”

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