Barking Lessons

Bean: “All right, for our first exercise, who can tell me what this is a picture of?”
Blue: “Jurassic Park!”
Corinne Corgi: “Weeds that the peasants haven’t tidied up in a long time.”
Rhodey Ridgeback: “Lions!”
Bernice Bernese: “Mountains!”
Poppy Poodle: “No place I would want to go.”
Sleepy Dog: “Is it time for a break yet?”
Puppy: “I don’t know but it makes me want to pee.”

Continue reading “Barking Lessons”

Orientation

Bean: “Welcome to day one of How To Be A Watchdog. Umm, Lulu, I kind of thought it was just going to be me showing you how to bark at stuff.”
Lulu: “Well I invited a few friends.”
Rhodey Ridgeback: “I would just like to point out that there are cats here.”

Continue reading “Orientation”

You Too Could Be A Watchdog (Maybe)

Lulu: “Hey, Bean, do you think you can teach me how to be a watchdog, too?”
Bean: “I don’t know. I think being a watchdog might be kind of an intrinsic thing. Sort of like being able to work the squeaker in a stuffie.”

Continue reading “You Too Could Be A Watchdog (Maybe)”

Office Visit

Lulu: “You should’ve let me shred that letter. Now we have to go talk to our lawyer.”
Bean: “So shredding mail you don’t like means you don’t have to deal with it?”
Lulu: “Yes, of course. But it’s too late for that now I’m afraid.”

Continue reading “Office Visit”

Observed Around The Backyard

Mr. Nibbles: “You look perturbed, friend Lulu.”
Lulu: “Java Bean set up a coffee shop in the backyard and I didn’t even notice. I feel like I’ve failed in my duty as a watchdog.”
Java Bean: “So what can I get for you cats?”
Chaplin: “Two catpuccinos with extra foam, a bird muffin and a lizard muffin, and a bowl full of moths.”
Java Bean: “Uh-huh. So the only one of those things I have anything close to is the catpuccino.”
Chaplin: “I bet Starbucks has them.”
Java Bean: “I bet they don’t.”

Continue reading “Observed Around The Backyard”

Where in the World are Charlee and Chaplin?

Lulu: “Have you seen the Hipsters? We were watching television and they disappeared on me.”
Mouse: “Not lately, but they’re cats. They could be anywhere. Did you look on top of the fireplace?”
Lulu: “Yes.”
Mouse: “In the cat tree?”
Lulu: “Yes.”
Mouse: “Under the armoire?”
Lulu: “Yes.”
Mouse: “In the litter box?”
Lulu: “Why, what have you heard?”

Continue reading “Where in the World are Charlee and Chaplin?”

skooba ekspedishun

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay wel that hole wot tucker went down seems to hav filld up behind him with sum sort of goopy blak stuf so i deesided i needed sum speshul eekwipment in order to go down and git tucker bak but then trouble kaym along and had to put in her too sents wurth:

Continue reading “skooba ekspedishun”

consentrayting is hard

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay wel becuz my sister trixie got so menny akk … akkoal … becuz my sister trixie got so much prayze and enkooradjmint just for garding the hill wich as far as i can tel is the saym thing as sitting arownd dooing nuthing i thawt i wood giv it a try and see if i can git so menny kompliments for dooing nuthing too!!!

Continue reading “consentrayting is hard”

flat tonys not heer

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay sum of yoo may hav herd a roomer that flat tony is in the areea but that is not troo i can ashoor yoo that if flat tony wer heer i wood no abowt it!!!

Continue reading “flat tonys not heer”